Hi everyone. I married a woman who I love dearly a few months ago. She’s a returned missionary, and I’m a convert. We are sealed, & I know that it’s a very sacred covenant. Even in the short time of our married life, though, we’ve had some serious problems. My wife doesn’t trust me very much. I wasn’t that great a person before my conversion. I used to smoke and drink quite a bit. Recently, I made the mistake of buying one of my friends a beer, and my wife saw the receipt. She assumed I was the one who drank it. I’m also sometimes around people who smoke, at my work. My wife smells cigarette smoke on me, and assumes I’ve been smoking.
I always explain to her that things are not what they seem, and that outside of work my life is dedicated entirely to her and our marriage. I want to make her happy. But I feel like to do that these things need to stop coming between us.
I gave up those things when I was baptized, & I shouldn’t have to continue to pay the price for a life I’ve repented of. I don’t know what to do. She says it’s better that we separate, but that idea hurts me very much. I want to be happy with her, and to have an eternal family.
What do you think I should do? I feel like my marriage is sinking, and that is the last thing I want. Thanks for your help.
The concept of a united family that lives and progresses forever is at the core of Latter-day Saint doctrine.
Hi brother. Thanks for your interesting question. It's not unreasonable for your wife to worry about you. She loves you and wants to make sure you don't fall back into old habits. We should all be grateful for those who worry about us and help us stay on the right path. In the same way, I'm sure you're concerned about your wife's continued spiritual progress.
However, if I understand you correctly, your wife is going beyond healthy concern and is now embracing a very destructive attitude. It's one thing to be concerned about a spouse's well being, but it's another to distrust a spouse without motive. The explanations you offer are perfectly reasonable, and your wife needs to trust you more. You were recently married in the temple, showing the extent of your spiritual progress in recent years. If your wife continues to question your integrity, it will certainly damage your relationship.
I encourage you and your wife to chat with your Bishop about these issues. He can help you with the spiritual aspect of this challenge. You may also wish to chat with a marriage counselor who values the Mormon commitment to family life.
I hope this answer helps. Best of luck to you, brother. I'll pray for you.
However, if I understand you correctly, your wife is going beyond healthy concern and is now embracing a very destructive attitude. It's one thing to be concerned about a spouse's well being, but it's another to distrust a spouse without motive. The explanations you offer are perfectly reasonable, and your wife needs to trust you more. You were recently married in the temple, showing the extent of your spiritual progress in recent years. If your wife continues to question your integrity, it will certainly damage your relationship.
I encourage you and your wife to chat with your Bishop about these issues. He can help you with the spiritual aspect of this challenge. You may also wish to chat with a marriage counselor who values the Mormon commitment to family life.
I hope this answer helps. Best of luck to you, brother. I'll pray for you.