I’ve been an active member of the church my whole life. I made a goal to get married in the temple when I was a child. And I kept that in mind all throughout my teenage years. But a couple years ago I started breaking the law of chastity privately. I wasn’t sure if it was a major transgression or not, but I felt terrible about it. I took the sacrament because I was unsure and I was afraid of what my family would think if they saw that I wasn’t taking it. But I felt so horrible about it.
Recently I got into my first serious relationship. When my boyfriend started talking about getting married in the temple, it made me cringe because I knew I wasn’t worthy and I was afraid that he would think less of me if he knew why. So I put off telling him. I also put off talking to the bishop. I regret it so much now. I know now that I needed his help so much. I wanted to try and fix things on my own but I just couldn’t, and the worst part is that I dragged my boyfriend into it with me. We didn’t have sex but we did touch each other inappropriately on two occasions.
I feel so lost. I never thought I would end up like this. I feel like I’ve taken everything that I ever wanted and thrown it in the mud. I’m afraid to repent. I’m afraid that it will take years to get back to the point where I can take the sacrament, and even longer to get to the point where I can marry the man I love in the temple. And I’m afraid that I won’t be strong enough. I just don’t know what to do.
One Response to “I’ve been an active member of the church my whole life….”
Manuel Miranda
2013-11-17 16:02:14
A life of sin can be cleansed and changed through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Hi sister. I'm sorry to hear that you've committed this sin. You already seem to understand the seriousness of what you've done, so I won't dwell on that. I do worry, though, that you don't fully understand the depth of God's love for you and the power of Christ's atonement. His love, and that power, don't depend on who you are or what you've done. I'm certain that you can recover from these mistakes. That's the miracle of forgiveness.
I love the revelation given to the prophet Isaiah: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool" (Isaiah 1:18). I know the truth of that scripture is applicable to your life, sister. You are not beyond redemption.
The next step is to chat with your Bishop. He'll help you apply Christ's atonement in your life. He'll help you find the strength you need to repent and prepare yourself for a temple marriage.
God bless you during the repentance process. I know God loves you very much. I'll pray for you.
I love the revelation given to the prophet Isaiah: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool" (Isaiah 1:18). I know the truth of that scripture is applicable to your life, sister. You are not beyond redemption.
The next step is to chat with your Bishop. He'll help you apply Christ's atonement in your life. He'll help you find the strength you need to repent and prepare yourself for a temple marriage.
God bless you during the repentance process. I know God loves you very much. I'll pray for you.