I’m a teenage catholic growing up in Utah, not to mention in a very mormon community. For Sadie Hawkins, I asked this guy to go with me, and when he said no, I asked why, you know, in a joking manner. Straightforward, he told me “Because you’re not mormon.” How exactly am I supposed to take that?
5 Responses to “I’m a teenage catholic growing up in Utah, not to mention i…”
Webmaster de AllAboutMormons.com
2009-08-24 04:12:15
Hi friend. Let me start by saying that teenage boys, regardless of their background, are not known for their sensitivity. Mormon teenage boys, unfortunately, are not always the exceptions to this rule that they should be. I'm sorry about the bad experience you had; that kind of thing shouldn't happen. Let me explain what probably motivated so strange a response.
Mormons have some unique dating customs; we tend to be a little more "old-fashioned" than a lot of other people. For example, we don't date until we're 16, and we maintain modest dress. Obviously there should be no sex before marriage, but, even beyond that, there should be no petting, conversations should always be elevated, etc., etc. Now, there are plenty of non-Mormons that have similar standards, but some Mormon teenagers, often acting on the advice of their parents, choose only to date other Mormons, just to be on the safe side. I personally think that approach is a bit myopic. When casually dating others, I think that Mormon teenagers should date people with their same elevated standards, regardless of whether or not they are Mormon. After all, there are plenty of non-Mormons with elevated standards, and there are also some Mormons who don't follow Mormon teachings of chastity and modesty.
Additionally, for many Mormons, the church is so central to their personal identity that they tend to date other Mormons simply because they have more in common with them. Of course, none of this justifies treating those who are not Mormon uncivilly.
After the teenage years, though, when Mormons usually begin to date with the purpose of finding someone to marry, I think it is best for them to only date other Mormons. In Mormonism, marriage and family are central to our theology. It is very important in our culture to marry in one of our temples, so that our marriages can last forever, even beyond death. A lot of preparation is required before someone can be married in the temple. Part of that preparation includes baptism, the ordinance chosen to represent one's rebirth as a follower of Jesus and a member of His church. For this reason, only marriages between two Mormons who have prepared themselves well can occur in the temple.
You're probably not thinking of marriage right now, though. You probably just want to date casually like most teenagers do. Let your Mormon friends know that you also have elevated dating standards, just like they do. Some of the Mormon boys in your High School may still choose only to date other Mormons, but some may recognize your elevated standards and choose to date you casually even though you are not Mormon. I know high school can be hard. Good luck!
If you're really desperate for a "date," you could always tell one of your Mormon friends who is a boy that you want to go to church with him! :) I think very few Mormons would turn down a "date" request like that one! :)
Pamela Dean
2009-09-01 03:36:51
Just let it roll off your shoulders. Easier said, than done, I know... But while I agree the boy might have been a little more tactful, I can't condemn him for sticking to teachings of the prophets, who say that we should date and marry those of our religion so that we can obtain the full measure of our potential. Being catholic, you know that your church also doesn't encourage marriage outside your faith, and when it does, certain measures are taken. These include the denial of mass at interfaith weddings and the refusal to marry an interfaith couple unless the non-catholic agrees that any children will be raised catholic. With this in mind, don't be offended by LDS boys who won't date you because you are not LDS... In their minds, they are simply staying clear of any temptation to marry outside their faith, which would mean not being able to be married in the temple. Temple marriage is arguably the greatest joy a latter-day saint can experience, and many of us - teenagers and adults alike - would not jeapardize that for anything.
Anonymous Priest
2009-10-01 18:54:55
Actually the Catholic Church does allow for a mass at interfaith weddings, although it may not be chosen by the couple as non-Catholics may not receive Holy Communion. The promises made in an interfaith marriage are that the non-Catholic partner understands the obligation of the Catholic partner to practice his or her faith and do their best to raise any children in the Catholic Faith. The Catholic Church does have a preference for Catholics marrying those of the same faith, but we do accept mixed marriages.
Pamela Dean
2009-10-03 13:35:08
Thank you for clarifying. It is perhaps more accurate to state in my original response that "These include the denial of the eucharist to the non-catholic marriage partner..." It still amounts to the same point, though. Different religions have different beliefs, so we need to let some things 'roll off our shoulders' and not be offended by it.
Webmaster de AllAboutMormons.com
2009-10-04 06:12:36
It sounds to me like the Catholic and Mormon Churches have similar inter-faith marriage policies. Mormons also allow interfaith weddings. Interfaith couples can be married in Mormon chapels. Mormons also prefer same-faith marriages, but we likewise accept mixed marriages. Very interesting stuff! :)
Mormons have some unique dating customs; we tend to be a little more "old-fashioned" than a lot of other people. For example, we don't date until we're 16, and we maintain modest dress. Obviously there should be no sex before marriage, but, even beyond that, there should be no petting, conversations should always be elevated, etc., etc. Now, there are plenty of non-Mormons that have similar standards, but some Mormon teenagers, often acting on the advice of their parents, choose only to date other Mormons, just to be on the safe side. I personally think that approach is a bit myopic. When casually dating others, I think that Mormon teenagers should date people with their same elevated standards, regardless of whether or not they are Mormon. After all, there are plenty of non-Mormons with elevated standards, and there are also some Mormons who don't follow Mormon teachings of chastity and modesty.
Additionally, for many Mormons, the church is so central to their personal identity that they tend to date other Mormons simply because they have more in common with them. Of course, none of this justifies treating those who are not Mormon uncivilly.
After the teenage years, though, when Mormons usually begin to date with the purpose of finding someone to marry, I think it is best for them to only date other Mormons. In Mormonism, marriage and family are central to our theology. It is very important in our culture to marry in one of our temples, so that our marriages can last forever, even beyond death. A lot of preparation is required before someone can be married in the temple. Part of that preparation includes baptism, the ordinance chosen to represent one's rebirth as a follower of Jesus and a member of His church. For this reason, only marriages between two Mormons who have prepared themselves well can occur in the temple.
You're probably not thinking of marriage right now, though. You probably just want to date casually like most teenagers do. Let your Mormon friends know that you also have elevated dating standards, just like they do. Some of the Mormon boys in your High School may still choose only to date other Mormons, but some may recognize your elevated standards and choose to date you casually even though you are not Mormon. I know high school can be hard. Good luck!
If you're really desperate for a "date," you could always tell one of your Mormon friends who is a boy that you want to go to church with him! :) I think very few Mormons would turn down a "date" request like that one! :)