I just recently have started dating a great girl who is a mormon. I am a Christian. She is a great girl and most of my friends and family are telling me that I should walk away… I am very happy and content with the church I attend and I know she is as well. I am not sure if I should continue to see her? Can a relationship work with two people who have different views on religion?
3 Responses to “I just recently have started dating a great girl who is a mo…”
Daniel Rios
2009-08-10 02:06:17
Hey Jeremy. I just wanted to comment on a few things:
Just so you know, Mormons are a kind of Christian. While you and your girlfriend would certainly disagree on some points of doctrine, there are far more things you believe in common. You ought to talk to your girlfriend about what she believes.
I would not recommend that a Mormon marry a non-Mormon for several reasons, not the least of which Pamela described in detail above. I think dating is other question all together. As long as you're willing to honor your girlfriend by respecting her beliefs, which likely include chastity before marriage, and as long as you understand that your girlfriend will likely want to marry another Mormon, I think there's little harm in inter-religious dating. I'm sure there are some Mormons who would disagree with me, though. You might want to ask your girlfriend if she has any reservations.
Best of luck to you.
Pamela Dean
2009-08-02 18:40:26
A 1993 study published in Demography showed that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were the least likely of all faith groups to divorce: after five years of marriage, only 13% of LDS couples had divorced. But when a mormon marries a non-mormon, the divorce rate was found to have increased more than three-fold to 40%. (Bob Mims, "Mormons: High Conservativism, Low Divorce, Big Growth - 3/99, " Salt Lake Tribune, 1999-Mar-6)
Scary statistics. Why the huge jump? Religioustolerance.org does an excellent job of explaining the effect of religious beliefs on marriage stability in general.
In addition to this, it is important to understand the role that marriage plays in the latter day saint belief system. For latter day saints, marriage to a worthy member that one can be married to in the temple of the Lord not just "until death do you part" but for "time and all eternity" so that eternal families can be created is the greatest joy of our mortal life. If you love her, you must understand that you cannot give her this experience as you are a non-member. You say that you are both "very happy and content" with your individual churches, but if you were to marry this girl she would not be happy as you would not be able to enjoy all the blessings of her religion, nor would your children. You would be unable to give your children father's blessings, minister to your sick family members as a righteous priesthood holder, participate in temple work, go on a mission after retirement, or any other activity where the priesthood is required. When your wife wants to exercise her faith by paying 10% of her income to the church, holding family home evening on monday nights, take your children to her church, reading the Book of Mormon with them daily, waiting until they are age 8 before they are baptised, holding callings in the church which could take significant time, perform temple work.... Will you be okay with all that? Because without your permission, she will be not able to do so, and if she is unable to practice her religion she will not be happy.
Spencer W. Kimball, a former president of our church explains the pitfalls of interfaith marriage in "The Importance of Celestial Marriage" (Ensign, Oct 1979, 3), stating: "It is very shortsighted for any girl to choose someone who cannot take her to the temple..."
I would love to be able to tell you that everything will work out fine and not to worry. But I can't. As a non-LDS marrying an LDS, you could still practice every aspect of your beliefs, but it is a huge sacrifice you would be asking her to make as she would not be able to practice many aspects of her beliefs. I would suggest that if you truly feel something for this girl, that you meet with the missionaries, investigate the church, and see what you think. Considering the sacrifice you would be asking her to make I would think it only fair that you do at least this much. You may find that you once you understand her beliefs that you want to share those beliefs with her and become a member yourself. If not, then I would suggest that it might be better to part ways, the sooner the better. Blessings and prayers to you as you as you work through this important decision.
Anonymous
2009-08-02 22:13:25
If you two truely care about each other then yes it will. Im a mormon who is dating someone who doesnt even go to a church(though his is trying to find one suitable for Him) and we are entirely happy. His family and friends have also told him that it wont work because of my religion.. But honestly its not up to them to decide if it will work.. If you want it to work out(regardless of religion) then it will.
- Just so you know, Mormons are a kind of Christian. While you and your girlfriend would certainly disagree on some points of doctrine, there are far more things you believe in common. You ought to talk to your girlfriend about what she believes.
- I would not recommend that a Mormon marry a non-Mormon for several reasons, not the least of which Pamela described in detail above. I think dating is other question all together. As long as you're willing to honor your girlfriend by respecting her beliefs, which likely include chastity before marriage, and as long as you understand that your girlfriend will likely want to marry another Mormon, I think there's little harm in inter-religious dating. I'm sure there are some Mormons who would disagree with me, though. You might want to ask your girlfriend if she has any reservations.
Best of luck to you.Scary statistics. Why the huge jump? Religioustolerance.org does an excellent job of explaining the effect of religious beliefs on marriage stability in general.
In addition to this, it is important to understand the role that marriage plays in the latter day saint belief system. For latter day saints, marriage to a worthy member that one can be married to in the temple of the Lord not just "until death do you part" but for "time and all eternity" so that eternal families can be created is the greatest joy of our mortal life. If you love her, you must understand that you cannot give her this experience as you are a non-member. You say that you are both "very happy and content" with your individual churches, but if you were to marry this girl she would not be happy as you would not be able to enjoy all the blessings of her religion, nor would your children. You would be unable to give your children father's blessings, minister to your sick family members as a righteous priesthood holder, participate in temple work, go on a mission after retirement, or any other activity where the priesthood is required. When your wife wants to exercise her faith by paying 10% of her income to the church, holding family home evening on monday nights, take your children to her church, reading the Book of Mormon with them daily, waiting until they are age 8 before they are baptised, holding callings in the church which could take significant time, perform temple work.... Will you be okay with all that? Because without your permission, she will be not able to do so, and if she is unable to practice her religion she will not be happy.
Spencer W. Kimball, a former president of our church explains the pitfalls of interfaith marriage in "The Importance of Celestial Marriage" (Ensign, Oct 1979, 3), stating: "It is very shortsighted for any girl to choose someone who cannot take her to the temple..."
I would love to be able to tell you that everything will work out fine and not to worry. But I can't. As a non-LDS marrying an LDS, you could still practice every aspect of your beliefs, but it is a huge sacrifice you would be asking her to make as she would not be able to practice many aspects of her beliefs. I would suggest that if you truly feel something for this girl, that you meet with the missionaries, investigate the church, and see what you think. Considering the sacrifice you would be asking her to make I would think it only fair that you do at least this much. You may find that you once you understand her beliefs that you want to share those beliefs with her and become a member yourself. If not, then I would suggest that it might be better to part ways, the sooner the better. Blessings and prayers to you as you as you work through this important decision.