I’ve been a member for about 4 years. I agreed to be baptized because I wanted to please my mother who was also being baptized. But I never felt totally convinced that the church was true, even though I prayed about it. I don’t know if I didn’t pray with enough faith or fervor, but whatever the reason, I didn’t get an answer. I was an active member for two years, even though I didn’t have a complete testimony. My family eventually went inactive even though my mom and step dad continue to honor most of the doctrines of the church. I’ve been sinning constantly, watching pornography and swearing a lot (I’m ashamed to admit it). I’ve also thought about violating the law of chastity with my girlfriend. I only haven’t done it because the opportunity has not presented itself. The elders often visit my family, trying to reactivate us. I don’t feel like I could serve a mission since I’m so close to violating the law of chastity and also because of my doubts about the church. I’m only 15 years old. My question is, how can I reactivate myself, serve a mission, and follow the doctrines when I don’t totally believe in them? I’ve also committed a lot of sins during my period of inactivity. I don’t even pray anymore, since I’m ashamed to admit that I’ll just do the wrong thing the next day. These doubts I have bother me every day. I haven’t talked to anyone about them. Please help me.
3 Responses to “I’ve been a member for about 4 years. I agreed to be baptize…”
Bruno Rios
2010-07-31 23:44:58
Hi Jorge. I'm happy that you have a desire to come back to the church and to strengthen your testimony. You seem to believe that people first gain a testimony and then choose to keep God's commandments. A testimony may come easily for some few, but for most people it requires work. They start with a desire to believe, like your desire. They then choose to go to church and to keep the commandments, even though their spiritual knowledge is not complete. As they dedicate themselves to God, a stronger testimony is eventually born. This strengthening process is not a one time event. While God can touch our hearts even early in the process, for most people a mature spiritual knowledge takes years to develop.
The simple reality is that you are not going to gain a testimony of the Church when you're not even going to church and when you're involved in sins like pornography, base thoughts, and contemplated immortality. It's silly to think that at the last day you'll be able to justify your sins by claiming you lacked a testimony, especially when you have not made the effort to develop that testimony through clean living and dedicated discipleship. I don't mean to be harsh. I just want you to understand how to recover spiritually, and you need to know that you're not on the right path.
The good news is that through Christ's atonement you can certainly be forgiven of your sins. He has a plan for you, and there is a way to recover spiritually, but you have to do your part. Start going to Church again, even though your testimony is not complete. Speak with your bishop about your sins so he can help you recover. Start praying and reading the scriptures every day. You'll see that your faith and belief will be strengthened if you dedicate yourself. It may not happen in the first week or the first month or even the first year, but it will happen if you're persistent. That spiritual knowledge can become the greatest blessing of your life if you pursue it.
Chelsea
2010-08-15 19:24:39
A missionary hugging a bishop in Aracaju, Sergipe, Brazil.
Hi, I am no expert or anything on repentance but I know it works! It is obvious that you do have a testimony (if a small one) since you are bothered by your actions and thoughts.
Let me tell you something... My brother got involved with pornography and it was no good thing. He had to go to the bishop and complete the regular steps of forgiveness but guess what? He was still able to go on a mission. He has baptized many wonderful people and his testimony has strengthened so much! It is not impossible to change your ways but it will be difficult. It will be really hard and will be hard for a while but Christ loves us and is there to strengthen us in our time of need. 2 Nephi 2:25 says "Men are that they might have joy". You may feel like these things you're participating in make you have joy but it is only worldly joy that won't last. The real joy this scripture is talking about is heavenly joy, eternal joy. That will come only when you stop participating in pornography, when you improve your language and when you wait to be intimate with the women of your dreams after you're married. The gospel at first may seem like it is taking your "joys" away but it isn't. It is taking the things that give you momentary (worldly) pleasure and replacing them with eternal ones.
Please go talk to your bishop or your young men's leader. They are there to help you not judge you. You might need to consider having new friends that will encourage you to do better things with your life. And if you really like your girlfriend you would give her the real respect she deserves and wait to have sex.
You're only 15. It is not too late for you but don't wait. The longer you wait to change your ways the harder it will be. As you change your ways you will begin to see the good in the gospel. You will gain a stronger testimony and you will be able to serve a mission. The church is here to help you... Better yet, God is here to help you. Let him.
Diana
2010-08-12 13:51:19
You are on your way to making things right if you first of all admit that you have a problem-which you have. You know what is right and what you need to do, so do it. It's that simple. I suggest you offer sincere prayers to Heavenly Father through the son Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness. Even fast and pray for yourself - if you do this with real intent, you will see that it will draw closer to God. Then do your very best to keep all the commandments "to the letter". You will see that the blessing that come are enormous.
The simple reality is that you are not going to gain a testimony of the Church when you're not even going to church and when you're involved in sins like pornography, base thoughts, and contemplated immortality. It's silly to think that at the last day you'll be able to justify your sins by claiming you lacked a testimony, especially when you have not made the effort to develop that testimony through clean living and dedicated discipleship. I don't mean to be harsh. I just want you to understand how to recover spiritually, and you need to know that you're not on the right path.
The good news is that through Christ's atonement you can certainly be forgiven of your sins. He has a plan for you, and there is a way to recover spiritually, but you have to do your part. Start going to Church again, even though your testimony is not complete. Speak with your bishop about your sins so he can help you recover. Start praying and reading the scriptures every day. You'll see that your faith and belief will be strengthened if you dedicate yourself. It may not happen in the first week or the first month or even the first year, but it will happen if you're persistent. That spiritual knowledge can become the greatest blessing of your life if you pursue it.
Let me tell you something... My brother got involved with pornography and it was no good thing. He had to go to the bishop and complete the regular steps of forgiveness but guess what? He was still able to go on a mission. He has baptized many wonderful people and his testimony has strengthened so much! It is not impossible to change your ways but it will be difficult. It will be really hard and will be hard for a while but Christ loves us and is there to strengthen us in our time of need. 2 Nephi 2:25 says "Men are that they might have joy". You may feel like these things you're participating in make you have joy but it is only worldly joy that won't last. The real joy this scripture is talking about is heavenly joy, eternal joy. That will come only when you stop participating in pornography, when you improve your language and when you wait to be intimate with the women of your dreams after you're married. The gospel at first may seem like it is taking your "joys" away but it isn't. It is taking the things that give you momentary (worldly) pleasure and replacing them with eternal ones.
Please go talk to your bishop or your young men's leader. They are there to help you not judge you. You might need to consider having new friends that will encourage you to do better things with your life. And if you really like your girlfriend you would give her the real respect she deserves and wait to have sex.
You're only 15. It is not too late for you but don't wait. The longer you wait to change your ways the harder it will be. As you change your ways you will begin to see the good in the gospel. You will gain a stronger testimony and you will be able to serve a mission. The church is here to help you... Better yet, God is here to help you. Let him.