I have been married to an LDS women for well over a decade and have two children with her. I attend LDS church meeting regularly… So much so that I know most of the members and have been asked to give closing prayers, etc.. I attend Sunday school with my wife. I appreciate and value so many of the values of the LDS faith and see the positive impact on my children. My struggle is that I have not developed a testimony of the truth of the Book of Mormon and have not been able to believe the story of Joseph Smith. Additionally, I struggle with the concept of tithing as I feel that if I were to pay a full tithe that this would have a deleterious affect on our family as I am the primary wage earner. I have taken the lessons in past. Any suggestions that may help guide me would be helpful. Readings, etc… Thanks
4 Responses to “I have been married to an LDS women for well over a…”
Mario Paz
2014-02-02 21:29:58
Hi friend. I'm happy you posted your question. It's great to hear your ward has been welcoming and accepting. I hope you continue to worship with us!
The story of Joseph Smith
Developing a testimony of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith is a life-long process. You don't have to have a perfect testimony to join the church. What is required is a sincere desire to work towards that testimony. It could take years, but as long as you're trying, you're on the right path.
Chapter 12 of the missionary manual "Preach My Gospel" lists the baptismal interview questions. One of them is: "Do you believe the Church and Gospel of Jesus Christ have been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith?" Note that this question doesn't require you to believe in all the details of Joseph's story or even all of his teachings. You can work on gaining a testimony of the details over the course of the coming years. What's import now is that you develop a belief (not necessarily a perfect knowledge) that the Gospel has been restored in some sense.
The Book of Mormon has been translated into many languages.
Surprisingly, there is no baptismal-interview question about the Book of Mormon. It seems one can be baptized, then, without having a testimony of this sacred book of scripture, though that's not something I recommend. Perhaps asking yourself these kinds of questions would be helpful: Do you believe the Book of Mormon is good? Does it bless people's lives? What if the Book of Mormon doesn't describe actual historical events but is instead a divinely inspired allegory, like the Books of Isaiah or Revelations in the Bible? Can you at least accept the idea that the Book of Mormon is true in this important allegorical sense? After all, it is possible for something to be allegorically true even if it isn't literally true. Allegories and parables are powerful tools for teaching truth.
If you can accept the Book of Mormon as divinely inspired and true in the sense, that's a great start. In the coming years, perhaps your faith in its historicity will grow as well. Regardless, this kind of thinking would allow you to honestly say that you believe the Book of Mormon is true.
Tithing is a complicated question for many people. First off, if paying 10% truly would deprive your family of essential things required for survival (food, shelter, etc.), the church through its established programs would intervene to help. There are safety nets in place to protect members who choose to pay tithing from financial disasters like these.
What's more common is that people choose to forego tithing because they don't want to give up certain conveniences. I don't mean to belittle these types of concerns. Men, especially, have a real desire to ensure their families' financial comfort. That's noble.
However, I think in this case your righteous desire might be misplaced. If you were to ask your wife if she would be willing to give up certain comforts so you could join the church, I'm confident she would encourage you to join. Your children would probably say the same. The comforts you hope to provide financially pale in comparison to the spiritual comforts you could provide as a member of the church working with your wife towards a temple marriage.
Anyway, I hope these comments help you. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you have any further questions. I'm very happy to help further. Best of luck to you.
Pamela Bonta
2014-02-02 07:01:17
The concept of a united family that lives and progresses forever is at the core of Latter-day Saint doctrine.
After watching these two talks, I would encourage you to do just as Joseph did upon reading the admonition found in James 1:5, that is, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." But also, as v. 6 says, "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering." Instead of asking "Why *should* I believe?", why not ask "Why *shouldn't* I believe?" or "Is it possible that I *already* believe?"
I was in a situation similar to yours. Although not married, I had gone to church for 6 years before my baptism. When my baptism was announced, one brother exclaimed "I thought you were a member already!"
Here is another thought for you. Do you love your wife? Respect her? Believe she is intelligent? Trust her ability to recognize truth? After attending church with her for so long, you must realize that she would like to have a family sealed in the Holy Temple for all eternity. Do you believe this teaching? If so, you must believe in Joseph and the message he brought forth. Forget doubts. Trust your wife... And yourself
Anonymous
2014-02-02 16:28:42
I admire you for attending church with your wife and children even though you are not a member yourself. Obviously, you love your family and want what if best for them. This is how our Heavenly Father feels about us!
You mentioned wanting some recommended readings, which tells me that you have possibly already read church literature, pamphlets, magazines, etc. I've found the most helpful book of all for strengthening my testimony is the Book of Mormon, along with prayer. I pray first that the Holy Spirit will be with me while I read, and that the Spirit will testify to me the truthfulness of what I am reading.
Tithing is a way to show God that He is first in our hearts.
I have always felt that what I have read in the Book of Mormon is true. And this encourages me to read more and motivates me to want to follow the Savior in following the commandments and of course, into the waters of baptism and yes, even tithing. You would be amazed at the number of tithing stories that prove the law of tithing is for our own benefit. And as I mentioned in my first paragraph, Heavenly Father loves us and will bless you and your family for your commitment to all of his commandments, including tithing. And the best part of all is you don't have to believe anyone else's tithing stories. You can prove this to yourself by taking that first step and having faith, by paying your tithing and just watch and see the blessings that will follow in your life (not necessarily financial blessings).
Take care and God Bless you.
Anonymous
2014-03-09 19:20:06
I can understand your concerns. I think it all comes down to faith. With tithing, have you read Malachi 3:10? Here, the Lord challenges us..."prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, If I will not open you the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing..." You have to take some steps of faith when it comes to tithing. Prove the Lord! See if you won't be spiritually blessed for paying a full tithing. I know that this principle is true and It has worked in our lives, many times.
Regarding The Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith. I must ask, have you read The Book of Mormon with a sincere heart and with real intent wanting to know if those words are true? I believe that our Heavenly Father will always answer our prayers. After you read The Book of Mormon, please pray and ask if it is true. That's all I got. I know that if we make efforts to find truth, our Heavenly Father will lead us to it and confirm our prayers.
Chapter 12 of the missionary manual "Preach My Gospel" lists the baptismal interview questions. One of them is: "Do you believe the Church and Gospel of Jesus Christ have been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith?" Note that this question doesn't require you to believe in all the details of Joseph's story or even all of his teachings. You can work on gaining a testimony of the details over the course of the coming years. What's import now is that you develop a belief (not necessarily a perfect knowledge) that the Gospel has been restored in some sense.
If you can accept the Book of Mormon as divinely inspired and true in the sense, that's a great start. In the coming years, perhaps your faith in its historicity will grow as well. Regardless, this kind of thinking would allow you to honestly say that you believe the Book of Mormon is true.
Tithing is a complicated question for many people. First off, if paying 10% truly would deprive your family of essential things required for survival (food, shelter, etc.), the church through its established programs would intervene to help. There are safety nets in place to protect members who choose to pay tithing from financial disasters like these.
What's more common is that people choose to forego tithing because they don't want to give up certain conveniences. I don't mean to belittle these types of concerns. Men, especially, have a real desire to ensure their families' financial comfort. That's noble.
However, I think in this case your righteous desire might be misplaced. If you were to ask your wife if she would be willing to give up certain comforts so you could join the church, I'm confident she would encourage you to join. Your children would probably say the same. The comforts you hope to provide financially pale in comparison to the spiritual comforts you could provide as a member of the church working with your wife towards a temple marriage.
Anyway, I hope these comments help you. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you have any further questions. I'm very happy to help further. Best of luck to you.
After watching these two talks, I would encourage you to do just as Joseph did upon reading the admonition found in James 1:5, that is, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." But also, as v. 6 says, "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering." Instead of asking "Why *should* I believe?", why not ask "Why *shouldn't* I believe?" or "Is it possible that I *already* believe?"
I was in a situation similar to yours. Although not married, I had gone to church for 6 years before my baptism. When my baptism was announced, one brother exclaimed "I thought you were a member already!"
Here is another thought for you. Do you love your wife? Respect her? Believe she is intelligent? Trust her ability to recognize truth? After attending church with her for so long, you must realize that she would like to have a family sealed in the Holy Temple for all eternity. Do you believe this teaching? If so, you must believe in Joseph and the message he brought forth. Forget doubts. Trust your wife... And yourself
You mentioned wanting some recommended readings, which tells me that you have possibly already read church literature, pamphlets, magazines, etc. I've found the most helpful book of all for strengthening my testimony is the Book of Mormon, along with prayer. I pray first that the Holy Spirit will be with me while I read, and that the Spirit will testify to me the truthfulness of what I am reading.
Take care and God Bless you.
Regarding The Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith. I must ask, have you read The Book of Mormon with a sincere heart and with real intent wanting to know if those words are true? I believe that our Heavenly Father will always answer our prayers. After you read The Book of Mormon, please pray and ask if it is true. That's all I got. I know that if we make efforts to find truth, our Heavenly Father will lead us to it and confirm our prayers.