I dont know what to do. I am so scared. I havent been to the temple since I was 12. I have alot of issues. Well I think I do. Let me start out with this. When I was about 9 years old. My best friend told me about a website that I went to and it was pornography. I knew it was wrong but I kept going back to it and I have never been free of pornography since. It has plagued my mind I havent even been able to think the same since that time. Being addicted to porn at the age of 10 was horrible and as if I wasnt messed up enough I did something horrible. I shared it with my younger sisters and the imges I shared with them will shadow and poison their minds forever. I am only 15 and I don’t really have any urge to look at por any more but I sometimes do because it’s there and I’m bored. Pornography also started me masturbating which I new was wrong also but I have been addicted to since I was 10 also. I started dong things to myself that I saw girls on those wicked horrid videos doing which included […] I also [molested my baby brother once …] because I saw it on one of the videos and because I heard one of my friends talking about it. I have forever hated myself for it and I want to go to hell because what I did was unforgivable. I did it because I saw it on the videos and pictures that I was so engulfed in. I was about 11 or 12 years old. Although these things all happened a long long long time ago I dont really know if I stilll have to confess them to my bishop in order to repent. I want to repent… I need to. I have a very strong tstimony. I love my Savior. I am active in church and I love it. But I have been making up excuses to skip temple trips now since I was 12. I want to know how I sould tell my bishop? How should I word this? What should I say? Another thing is that my bishop is very close with our youth he’s like all of our big brother or like our second father. I don’t want to tell him because I don’t want him to think of me differently. Please help me I need to be free. What should I do? Please help me… Please….
6 Responses to “I dont know what to do. I am so scared. I havent been to the…”
Pedro Silva
2010-03-21 02:33:44
A statue of Jesus Christ at temple square in Salt Lake City.
Hi Anonymous. It broke my heart to read your message. All the sins you described are very serious, especially what you did to your little brother. Not only is that immoral, it's also illegal. Can you believe that there are some people who think pornography is harmless? You know better than anyone the damage that pornography can do. You've been its victim, and using it has led you to victimize others.
Repentance is possible through Jesus Christ, but I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you. It's going to be really hard to recover from these sins. You're going to have to want to be clean more than anything you've ever wanted in your life. Trying times are ahead, and it's going to take a lot of spiritual courage for you to get through them. Never forget that God loves you and wants you to make it. He'll never give up on you. Don't give up on Him. Let's review the steps of repentance.
First, you need to feel Godly sorry. Based on what you wrote, it's clear to me that you understand how serious your sins are, and you sincerely regret what you've done. That's a very good start.
Next, you need to confess your sins. First confess your sins to God; because your sins are so serious, you also need to confess them to your bishop. To be frank, your current relationship with your bishop and your concern about not knowing how to phrase your confession are absolutely trivial compared to the magnitude of what you've done. To let little concerns like that get in the way of your repentance is like refusing a blood transfusion when you're bleeding to death because you're afraid of needles. You are very spiritually sick, and you need to start receiving treatments now. Don't let little things get in the way of your confession. Go to your bishop today or tomorrow and confess. Any delay, even by one week, will be too long.
Next, you need to ask God for forgiveness. Spend some time on your knees after your confession. Keep praying until you realize that God still loves you despite your terrible sins.
You also need to rectify the problems caused by your sins. This includes accepting full responsibility for the consequences of what you've done. Part of accepting full responsibility is contacting the police and informing them that you broke the law when you molested your brother. I know it's going to be very, very hard to do that, but it's the right thing to do. You have to desire full repentance more than anything else. I'm sure the police will take into account the fact that you are repentant, that the molestation happened only once some years ago, that you are a minor, and that you yourself are a victim of childhood exposure to pornography. Don't delay; go to the police today or tomorrow. Any delay, even by one week, will be too long.
Next, you need to forsake your sins. In your case, forsaking is going to be very difficult because your early exposure to pornography has had a profound impact on your mind. You are addicted and likely suffer from some form of mental disease. Aside from the spiritual help that your bishop can give you, you need medical help as well. I strongly encourage you to seek the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist as soon as possible. Your bishop may be able to help you get the medical help you need. Don't delay!
After you've completed this process of repentance, you'll finally be able to receive forgiveness. You'll finally have the peace of conscious that you so desperately need.
Anonymous, don't delay. Talk with your bishop, with the authorities, and with a medical professional as soon as possible. Your life will be better if you start this repentance process immediately. Best of luck to you.
Richard
2010-03-22 05:27:38
A missionary hugging a bishop in Aracaju, Sergipe, Brazil.
First off I commend the people who have responded to this, and would like to add to it with my own thoughts of council, if I may.
If your bishop is like a second father to you than I am sure that he will be the first person, if not the second your own parents being #1, who is going to be first and foremost on your side. If my son came to me with the problems you describe I would thank him and commend him for having the courage to tell me, and then I would take it to our God and ask for help. That or even set up an appointment with the bishop or even stake president for Godly help on the matter.
Your bishop is actualy authorized by God to recieve counsel from Him to you. Bishops are good men who are called into a position of leadership who just happens to have God on his side too.
Reading a few of the other replies, I would involve your parents/bishop in anything legal to be, if needed. Probably the most difficult part will be the un-remembered pains your brother is probably going to go through in life. So he's probably going to need just as much help, if not more, than you.
How should you word it? Truthfully. God already knows all that you have done and Christ has already attoned for all your sins. The hard part to come is his punishment to be, which is better now and in this life, than later in the eternities without your, changable, moldable body to teach and school.
I had a 20 year problem with pornography and thorugh the atonment of Christ I can truthfully say I have no longer desire to do evil, but rather good continually. It took me 8+ years of hardhip and fighting to get past it, but it is over now. Sure, like any addiction, there are times where I feel the craving, but it doesn't have even close the power it had before, and now I see I am free to choose new again, and I choose the better part and avoid.
Take the list of items mentinoed from all who have posted replies to your parents and bishop, possibly together even. I know it is scary because I have been there, but I also know that once it is out and confessed the road only gets easier. Jesus Christ and his atonment can cleanse you as it has cleansed me, and in the process you can learn great truths if you're open.
"Addiction Recovery Manual" LDS church, (your bishop can help with this, there are addiction recovery meetings and they work because everyone in them knows what it is like, to an extent.)
A statue of Jesus Christ at temple square in Salt Lake City.
That's probably enough for now, God knows you and God isn't surprised at the hardships in your life, he only wants you to come back to him, and through Jesus and his atoning blood you can, but only upon proper repentance. Say a prayer before you tell for courage and then explain as you are prompted to and it'll be ok in the end.
Just have faith that Christ is there for you and I testify that he will walk with you back to our home in heaven with our Father. One step at a time in the right direction with Christ. You may get knocked backward, but get up, forgive yourself, and start walking a new. You'll make it Christ is ever ready to help and you'll find that too as you journey back.
You can find all those talks at lds.org best of luck and don't forget to pray and plead for help and strength. "Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you." "Take my yoke upon you and learn of me... And ye shall find rest unto your soul."
Anonymous
2010-04-17 00:58:22
Hi, I really feel what you're saying and I've lived what you're feeling... The hate, the guilt, the desire to repent but not knowing how to... Or if I had to... Because like you... When I was a child.... About 10 or 11 I done the same thing. I never watched hard porn or anything but something happened to me as a young child that aroused feelings in me.... I was masturbating from the age of around 5 or 6 years old!... Most of my life I had boys groping me even my cousins... I'm sure I had been sexually abused and done terrible things myself... I've hated myself..... Really really really hated myself! I've been a member of the church now for 12 years and that has always been in the back of my mind... For years I justified it by saying... I was just a child... But it was always there... I often thought of talking to my bishop but always chickened out... But oneday I went to see my bishop for something completely different... I hadn't even been thinking of this past sin that I had committed.... And then bishop said to me "is there anything else u need to talk about".... All of a sudden that came to my mind... And it came really strongly... I was arguing with myself inside because like u I didn't want to talk about it because I was ashamed... But mainly because I didn't want him to look at me any different.... I replied no... Then carried on with what we were talking about... All the while not really paying attention because the spirit was telling me strongly that I needed to tell him what I had done... Just as we were about to finish up I said to my bishop... There is something I need to tell u but I don't know how to.... I hate myself for it... I'm sooooo ashamed... And I've never told anyone else before.... And then I told him.... I was in tears... I felt so horrible... I couldn't even lift my head..... I hated myself so much.... Then bishop councilled me.... Told me straight away that he didn't think any less of me... If anything he thought more of me for following the prompting of the spirit to confess my past sin.... He also told me that I was meant to tell him because he is the only one who holds the authority to deal with this kind of sin... He showed nothing but love... I was feeling all the guilt and anger still but he showed nothing but love.... But the main thing that bought me to tears was that he told me that my Heavenly Father had forgiven me already and that now I had to forgive myself.... Over the next week my emotions spiralled out of control because now someone in the world knew what I had done and I couldn't bear to face them... I didn't go to church the following week but bishop called around after it just to give me a hug and tell me again that everything was ok and that he really didn't think any less of me... It was like Heavenly Father told him exactly what I needed to hear. I truly am sorry for what I did to my little brother and if I could change it I would in a heartbeat.... It took me 25 years to tell someone and to feel that forgiveness... Don't be scared to talk to ur bishop... Sometimes we build the fear up in our minds and the reality is no where near as scary as we always thought. Pray for strength and courage to get u into bishops office.... Then while ur in there pray for strength and courage to tell bishop what has been going on... I'll tell u one thing.... I couldn't even look my bishop in the eye when I told him and after I told him.... I can't ever imagine what it would have been like if I had kept it in my whole life and then had to stand before my Savior and confess that horrible sin!!!.... I'm glad to have dealt with it now and I do feel the forgiveness and the burden of carrying that horrible secret around has now gone.
Be courageous and have faith that your Heavenly Father loves you so much... He knows ur struggles ur weaknesses but he also knows ur strengths and who you really are.... Take that step of faith and don't let ur fears hold u back anymore.
Lots of love and prayers sent to u. Xoxo
Anonymous
2010-04-22 21:41:15
Hey yall =] It's me anonymous from small town. I want to thank everybody for their awesome advice and inspiration. Last night after mutual I told my bishop. After an amazing combined activity put on by our priests about allowing others to help us to get through our trials and tribulations, trusting others, and finding our way back to Heavenly Father. During that activity I realized that I was going to do it. I was going to tell bishop because I love our youth so so very much I would do anything to be with them forever. I have a special bond with each of them and if anything ever happened to any one of them I would be crushed. They are some of the most important people in my world. I would do anything for any one of them. So I told bishop, I went into his office and satrted hyperventalating, stuttering, and bawling my face off. I had written everything down because I knew if I didn't I would chicken out. He was supportive and kind. He told me it was going to be okay and that he was going to help me. I am so grateful to have such an amazing bishop. Well that was basically the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I still feel really anxious and jittery. I feel kind of like I regret doing it but I'm doing it for my family, for my youth, I'm doing it for my heavenly parents and my Savior, I'm doing it for my future family, and for me. I feel really empty inside now though, today I ended up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position singing "I Have a Family Here on Earth" to myself and thinking of all the sweet wonderful people I'm doing this for. I know that I'm not going to like this and that the process will be hard. But the outcome will be worth it and it will make me stronger. I know I can get through this but I wish I had a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. But right now I just feel alone and that I need to work this out within myself. Before I sign off I want to ask another question... Because of pornography I also used to molest animals. Do I need to confess this also? Well until next time. Wish me luck. I love you all. -anonymous from small town... P. S anonymous from NZ thankyou. You gave me hope.
P. S. S thankyou to my youth family for being my strength I love you so much you don't even know =]
Pedro Silva
2010-05-02 04:16:18
Hi Anonymous from Small Town. I'm so happy you went to your bishop to begin the process of healing! And how nice of you to describe your experience here on this site. I think your words will help a lot of other people who read them. I'm just thrilled that you're working so hard to put your life in order. God will bless you for your efforts.
I think it probably would be best to talk to your bishop about all your past sins, including sins with animals, so he can help you with the process of unburdening yourself. I can tell you have an excellent bishop; be sure to take advantage of his wonderful help. Best of luck to you!
Anonymous
2011-06-07 17:30:23
Hi I have had almost the exact same situation. I have been carrying it on my heart for more than ten years. I hate myself but I don't know how to confess. I want to but it is going to kill my parents and the parents of the kid I molested. My friend also introduced me to porn when I was about 9 and have been addicted since. I was around maybe 14 years old and going through puberty my hormones were high and I had a distorted view of reality because I've watched so much porn and everything seemed normal. One day I saw a kid I think around 7 and I molested him. Luckily right when I did it I knew I was wrong and stopped immediately but the damage was done. It can never be taken back. I feel horrible because I have been carrying to weight on my heart for over then years. I also feel even more horrible because I may have damaged the kid also. I see him once in awhile but I don't know if he remembers or not. I want to confess to him but I don't know how. He is around 16 now and I just want to tell him that what I did was dispicable and wrong. I just wonder what repressed feelings he has or if he even remembers. Even though I just touched him really quick once im sure he remembers and has repressed feelings. I don't know how to go about this. Do I tell the cops first or the family or what? Please honest answers and advice will be appreciated.
Pedro Silva: Hi Anonymous. I would suggest you not talk with the boy you molested. If he has forgotten, you will only awaken bad memories. If he hasn't, you may traumatize him all over again by approaching him. I suggest only that you talk with your bishop and with the police. The spiritual and legal consequences of your actions will probably be grave, but confession can ultimately lead to redemption and peace. I can't imagine that the consequences of your actions will be worse than the spiritual torture you must be going through now. Begin the transformative process through confession so you can ultimately recover. Best of luck.
Repentance is possible through Jesus Christ, but I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you. It's going to be really hard to recover from these sins. You're going to have to want to be clean more than anything you've ever wanted in your life. Trying times are ahead, and it's going to take a lot of spiritual courage for you to get through them. Never forget that God loves you and wants you to make it. He'll never give up on you. Don't give up on Him. Let's review the steps of repentance.
- First, you need to feel Godly sorry. Based on what you wrote, it's clear to me that you understand how serious your sins are, and you sincerely regret what you've done. That's a very good start.
- Next, you need to confess your sins. First confess your sins to God; because your sins are so serious, you also need to confess them to your bishop. To be frank, your current relationship with your bishop and your concern about not knowing how to phrase your confession are absolutely trivial compared to the magnitude of what you've done. To let little concerns like that get in the way of your repentance is like refusing a blood transfusion when you're bleeding to death because you're afraid of needles. You are very spiritually sick, and you need to start receiving treatments now. Don't let little things get in the way of your confession. Go to your bishop today or tomorrow and confess. Any delay, even by one week, will be too long.
- Next, you need to ask God for forgiveness. Spend some time on your knees after your confession. Keep praying until you realize that God still loves you despite your terrible sins.
- You also need to rectify the problems caused by your sins. This includes accepting full responsibility for the consequences of what you've done. Part of accepting full responsibility is contacting the police and informing them that you broke the law when you molested your brother. I know it's going to be very, very hard to do that, but it's the right thing to do. You have to desire full repentance more than anything else. I'm sure the police will take into account the fact that you are repentant, that the molestation happened only once some years ago, that you are a minor, and that you yourself are a victim of childhood exposure to pornography. Don't delay; go to the police today or tomorrow. Any delay, even by one week, will be too long.
- Next, you need to forsake your sins. In your case, forsaking is going to be very difficult because your early exposure to pornography has had a profound impact on your mind. You are addicted and likely suffer from some form of mental disease. Aside from the spiritual help that your bishop can give you, you need medical help as well. I strongly encourage you to seek the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist as soon as possible. Your bishop may be able to help you get the medical help you need. Don't delay!
- After you've completed this process of repentance, you'll finally be able to receive forgiveness. You'll finally have the peace of conscious that you so desperately need.
Anonymous, don't delay. Talk with your bishop, with the authorities, and with a medical professional as soon as possible. Your life will be better if you start this repentance process immediately. Best of luck to you.If your bishop is like a second father to you than I am sure that he will be the first person, if not the second your own parents being #1, who is going to be first and foremost on your side. If my son came to me with the problems you describe I would thank him and commend him for having the courage to tell me, and then I would take it to our God and ask for help. That or even set up an appointment with the bishop or even stake president for Godly help on the matter.
Your bishop is actualy authorized by God to recieve counsel from Him to you. Bishops are good men who are called into a position of leadership who just happens to have God on his side too.
Reading a few of the other replies, I would involve your parents/bishop in anything legal to be, if needed. Probably the most difficult part will be the un-remembered pains your brother is probably going to go through in life. So he's probably going to need just as much help, if not more, than you.
How should you word it? Truthfully. God already knows all that you have done and Christ has already attoned for all your sins. The hard part to come is his punishment to be, which is better now and in this life, than later in the eternities without your, changable, moldable body to teach and school.
I had a 20 year problem with pornography and thorugh the atonment of Christ I can truthfully say I have no longer desire to do evil, but rather good continually. It took me 8+ years of hardhip and fighting to get past it, but it is over now. Sure, like any addiction, there are times where I feel the craving, but it doesn't have even close the power it had before, and now I see I am free to choose new again, and I choose the better part and avoid.
Take the list of items mentinoed from all who have posted replies to your parents and bishop, possibly together even. I know it is scary because I have been there, but I also know that once it is out and confessed the road only gets easier. Jesus Christ and his atonment can cleanse you as it has cleansed me, and in the process you can learn great truths if you're open.
Books: "Clean Hands, Pure Heart" Phillip Harrison
"he did deliver me from bondage" colleen harrison
"Addiction Recovery Manual" LDS church, (your bishop can help with this, there are addiction recovery meetings and they work because everyone in them knows what it is like, to an extent.)
Talks: "He Heals the Heavy Laden" Dallin Oaks 2006
"The Atonement can Clean, Reclaim, and Sanctify our Lives." Shayne Bowen 2006
Just have faith that Christ is there for you and I testify that he will walk with you back to our home in heaven with our Father. One step at a time in the right direction with Christ. You may get knocked backward, but get up, forgive yourself, and start walking a new. You'll make it Christ is ever ready to help and you'll find that too as you journey back.
Last - "Forgiviing Oneself" D. Chad Richardson
You can find all those talks at lds.org best of luck and don't forget to pray and plead for help and strength. "Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you." "Take my yoke upon you and learn of me... And ye shall find rest unto your soul."
Be courageous and have faith that your Heavenly Father loves you so much... He knows ur struggles ur weaknesses but he also knows ur strengths and who you really are.... Take that step of faith and don't let ur fears hold u back anymore.
Lots of love and prayers sent to u. Xoxo
P. S anonymous from NZ thankyou. You gave me hope.
P. S. S thankyou to my youth family for being my strength I love you so much you don't even know =]
I think it probably would be best to talk to your bishop about all your past sins, including sins with animals, so he can help you with the process of unburdening yourself. I can tell you have an excellent bishop; be sure to take advantage of his wonderful help. Best of luck to you!
Pedro Silva: Hi Anonymous. I would suggest you not talk with the boy you molested. If he has forgotten, you will only awaken bad memories. If he hasn't, you may traumatize him all over again by approaching him. I suggest only that you talk with your bishop and with the police. The spiritual and legal consequences of your actions will probably be grave, but confession can ultimately lead to redemption and peace. I can't imagine that the consequences of your actions will be worse than the spiritual torture you must be going through now. Begin the transformative process through confession so you can ultimately recover. Best of luck.