Is it possible for me to confess to a bishop in some other city or country anonymously?
Allow me to elaborate: I’m a member since I was old enough to get baptized but I stopped going frequently to the church many years ago because only one of my parents was committed. I watch pornography since I was around eight because I was too smart for my own sake and I could always find and reach for the rented videotapes no matter how high they were. That made me discover masturbation in a pretty early age too. My family was a dysfunctional one and I never got much affection or approval from my mother. Eventually my father developed a gambling addiction that nearly took us three to bankruptcy. That led to a divorce when I was around 20. I know it’s not an excuse but that was my breaking point. Before I only had a boyfriend and even though we spent a great deal of time by ourselves I never allowed anything inappropriate/sexual to happen. My faith was unshaken even though I didn’t go to church every Sunday. I didn’t swear, I hated the taste of alcohol and the smell of cigarettes. After that I broke the chastity law with a guy I didn’t truly love just because I needed to feel alive again. I regretted so much that decision. I broke up with him 3 months later because I felt we were going nowhere since we were both with each other just because we couldn’t stand being alone with ourselves. Due to my recurrent masturbation when I was a child I had promised God I wouldn’t lose my chastity before marriage and if so he could send me to hell. That promise made me feel even worse. I said to myself “I’ll never be in the presence of the father again. I failed him. So now I’ll enjoy Earth, and at least every time I’m good to someone or help those in need I’ll know I’m doing it out of the goodness of my heart and not because I’m afraid of what will become of me in the afterlife.”
Four years have passed. I only had one relationship in the meantime, it was long termed but it ended poorly which strengthened the feeling of being alone in the world. I came to like alcohol but I’m avoiding it, I’m trying to quit smoking and swearing when I’m mad. You may think I’m completely lost, but through all this time I never stopped believing in God and kept praying every night before going to sleep and every time I needed him. And I feel like kicking myself because I didn’t set foot in the church for years. At first because I was mad at the world and then because I didn’t feel worthy. But all this time He was with me. Every time I needed help and prayed He always delivered, faster than I could expect. I have the strongest testimony and I felt I didn’t deserve it or live up to it. So I began going to church again and felt that because of the roughness of my life and my mistakes, even though I’m still young, I can understand so well others many years older than me. I repent my poor choices but came to terms with myself because the Lord used my path to direct me to the Him again. All my mistakes only gave strength to my testimony, that the church is true, that God and the Holy Spirit guides us and that this is the true path to eternal happiness. I figured that if I can hear about other’s mistakes and not condemn them, maybe the Lord can forgive me too because I can’t love nor forgive my brothers and sisters more than He does. So I was at peace for the first time in years. I knew I had much more to do, to repent and learn but at least I was happy and feeling the Holy Spirit stronger than ever.
That was until I learned that I had to confess to my Bishop. I don’t have the courage to do it. Not because I’d have to face him but because I heard about others who in my country confessed and sometimes people came to know. It wasn’t where I currently live but that fear got stuck. And I don’t know what to do because even if I manage to obey to our laws I’ll never be able to go to the temple. Besides I’m really proud of my father, he’s active in the church for some years now and he did put he’s life back on track. He’s really committed and I’m so afraid that if I ever tell this story to a bishop and people get to find out that it will hurt my father and make him step away from the church. I never want to see him again like that. And I also don’t see myself ever worthy to marry inside the church. What should I do?
2 Responses to “Is it possible for me to confess to a bishop in some…”
Carlos Cruz
2015-02-22 18:04:52
A life of sin can be cleansed and changed through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Hi sister. I'm sorry to hear that you've struggled like this. Even sadder than hearing about the tragedy of sin was hearing that at one point you thought you were a lost cause. Nothing you've done places you beyond the reach of Christ's atoning sacrifice. You absolutely can recover. I love the scripture from Isaiah: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool" (Isaiah 1:18).
It's important to point out, too, that you're not responsible for your early exposure to pornography. Pornography use by anyone, but especially young children, has the potential for addiction. An addiction that, in your case, you didn't exactly choose.
I don't mean to suggest that what you've done isn't serious. It is, and you do need to repent. But, as Elder Scott recently taught, there's a world of difference between a rebellious person who sins because she likes sin and an addicted person who desperately wants to change. God is always merciful with people who sincerely want to change and who are willing to work towards change.
Except in rare cases (such as ongoing child abuse), a bishop should never betray a confessor's confidence. It would be very reasonable for you to talk with your bishop about confidentiality before you confess. Check with him to make sure that he will respect your privacy while helping you recover from past mistakes.
Temples Are a Beacon
I know that confessing can be difficult, but surely you see that it's absolutely essential. Fear and shame should not keep you from preparing yourself for the temple. With proper repentance, you could even be married in the temple one day. Think of that blessing! Chatting with your bishop is the first step on that path.
I hope this answer helps you. I also recently wrote an article about repentance that you might find useful. Let me know if you have any further questions. I'm happy to help. I'll pray for you, sister.
Anonymous
2015-03-16 15:29:13
Thank you so so much for the kind answer! I finally did it and the Bishop was kind and understanding beyond what I could ever imagine. I feel so relieved and blessed. I now feel my sin was truly forgiven for I've been regretting it for almost a year now and it's like a weight was lifted. I'll do my best from now on. Once again thank you. I'm truly grateful for your help. Wish you the the very best brother.
Carlos Cruz: So good to hear back from you, sister! I'm very happy that things worked out so well. It was very kind of you to share a little about your experience here. Lots of people are reluctant to chat with their bishops about past sins. Hopefully people who read about your wonderful experience with the bishop will find your same courage to confess. Best of luck to you!
It's important to point out, too, that you're not responsible for your early exposure to pornography. Pornography use by anyone, but especially young children, has the potential for addiction. An addiction that, in your case, you didn't exactly choose.
I don't mean to suggest that what you've done isn't serious. It is, and you do need to repent. But, as Elder Scott recently taught, there's a world of difference between a rebellious person who sins because she likes sin and an addicted person who desperately wants to change. God is always merciful with people who sincerely want to change and who are willing to work towards change.
Except in rare cases (such as ongoing child abuse), a bishop should never betray a confessor's confidence. It would be very reasonable for you to talk with your bishop about confidentiality before you confess. Check with him to make sure that he will respect your privacy while helping you recover from past mistakes.
I hope this answer helps you. I also recently wrote an article about repentance that you might find useful. Let me know if you have any further questions. I'm happy to help. I'll pray for you, sister.
Carlos Cruz: So good to hear back from you, sister! I'm very happy that things worked out so well. It was very kind of you to share a little about your experience here. Lots of people are reluctant to chat with their bishops about past sins. Hopefully people who read about your wonderful experience with the bishop will find your same courage to confess. Best of luck to you!