Hi all. I’ve been a member for about four years. I had the opportunity to introduce a young woman to the church, and now she’s my girlfriend. Only we have a problem. We’ve broken the law of chastity. We both confessed to our bishops, but we fell into sin again.
On top of it all, I’ve had some separate troubles since my teenage years. Sometimes I just don’t feel like doing anything except playing video games, especially flight simulators. I feel so happy when I’m playing them because I’m able to forget all the bad things in my life. I think it might be a true addiction. I’m a really insecure person that’s uncomfortable around other people, but when I’m in that flight simulator I feel free, happy, and I’m able to forget my troubles.
Before I joined the church, I was an alcoholic, but now it seems like I’m struggling with these new addictions (fornication and excessive video-game playing). I’m praying, fasting, reading the Scriptures, and speaking regularly with my bishop, but I feel like I lack faith, and I’m starting to feel desperate. I think I might be struggling with some depression, and it’s getting harder to concentrate in school. I’ve always been this way since my teenage years. Please help me. I don’t know what to do.
2 Responses to “Help me! I broke the law of chastity!”
Ricardo Ramos
2013-09-15 21:43:53
Through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we can overcome sin and death. (Reflections of Christ)
Hi friend. I'm happy you're seeking help. I can tell from your words that you really want to do the right thing but that you're struggling. You've described two challenges. Both are serious, but one is more serious than the other. Let me discuss both of them.
1) It's critically important that you stop breaking the law of chastity. Breaking this law is doing you tremendous spiritual harm. I suggest you chat with your bishop about this immediately. He'll help you make goals so you can recover from this serious sin. Thankfully, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I'm certain you can be made spiritually whole once again.
2) Playing flight-simulator games is not a sin, but it is true that our God-given life is sacred, and we have a sacred responsibility to use our time wisely. Perhaps your bishop could help you learn to better manage your time as well.
Not everyone who breaks the law of chastity or who plays too many video games has an "addiction." Some people do these things because, right or wrong, they like them. However, several things you said caught my attention:
1) You want to stop these activities but can't.
2) These activities come at a very high personal cost, affecting your spirituality and your school work, for example.
3) You require these activities to be happy.
4) You have a past history of alcoholism, suggesting a possible genetic predisposition to addiction.
Consequently, I think it may be that you really are struggling wit some legitimate addictions. In addition to chatting with your bishop, I'd also recommend chatting with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. True addition is a medical condition; you may need medical help.
I hope you continue to feel God's love throughout this whole repentance/recovery process. He's not happy with what you're doing, but He has never stopped caring for you. He's your Heavenly Father, and you're His child. Un abrazo fraternal.
David Polander
2013-11-01 15:57:28
Dear Brother,
While your addictions might involve some chemical imbalance, that doesn't mean that medication is the only way to overcome, though it might he helpful in some ways. I speak from my own experience, and as an health-care professional. The habits you abhor are the coping mechanisms that you have developed, and though they may have served you by giving you the escape you need to deal with the despair and pain you see around you, they are poor replacements and only chain you down in your progress.
There is a very good program called "Overcoming Self-Defeating Behaviors" that provides some very effective tools to help redirect your need into more healthy coping strategies. I can't say if the program itself is available to you in your location, but I will touch on some key points and hope they can help:
1. Everything you do is a choice. You are not powerless, and as soon as you accept that you are able to control yourself, you will begin to feel the chains dropping away. The spirit is the master of the body, not the other way around.
2. You create your own self-image. Who you are is what you believe, and if you see yourself as an addict, or a sinner, gamer, fornicator or any other negative description, then you will remain stuck in the behaviors that support that image. Try putting a bean in your shoe for the next week and every time you take a step and feel that bean repeat in your head a positive description of who you want to be: "I am master of myself."
You decide what your positive self-image statement will be, but having it repeated hundreds of times a day in your head will alter your perspective immensely.
3. Get away from the circumstances that facilitate your un-wanted behaviors. List the costs versus the benefits. This is very difficult, and it may seem at first that you have no alternatives. You do, but they are hard choices and you will be able to choose them when you decide that they are preferable to being enslaved and miserable. The positive self-image will strengthen you to make those decisions.
4. Anticipate temptation. Identify the experiences that set you on the path to acting out your SDB (self-defeating behavior) and then pre-experience how you will react in a positive way instead of how you have In the past. The Spirit gives us warnings long before the critical point, and if we ignore them we become progressively less sensitive to the Spirit's guidance. Learning to recognize the earliest promptings will radically transform you, not just with your SDB, but in everything.
5. Mentally visualize yourself free of your SDB. Imagine a situation that mimics you in bondage to your SDB, then imagine completely destroying that barrier. See yourself in your new liberated life and the blessings it provides.
6. Continue putting the best influences Into your life to replace the bad. Start journaling your struggle and be sure to own every decision. Review it often and correct yourself.
1) It's critically important that you stop breaking the law of chastity. Breaking this law is doing you tremendous spiritual harm. I suggest you chat with your bishop about this immediately. He'll help you make goals so you can recover from this serious sin. Thankfully, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, I'm certain you can be made spiritually whole once again.
2) Playing flight-simulator games is not a sin, but it is true that our God-given life is sacred, and we have a sacred responsibility to use our time wisely. Perhaps your bishop could help you learn to better manage your time as well.
Not everyone who breaks the law of chastity or who plays too many video games has an "addiction." Some people do these things because, right or wrong, they like them. However, several things you said caught my attention:
1) You want to stop these activities but can't.
2) These activities come at a very high personal cost, affecting your spirituality and your school work, for example.
3) You require these activities to be happy.
4) You have a past history of alcoholism, suggesting a possible genetic predisposition to addiction.
Consequently, I think it may be that you really are struggling wit some legitimate addictions. In addition to chatting with your bishop, I'd also recommend chatting with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. True addition is a medical condition; you may need medical help.
I hope you continue to feel God's love throughout this whole repentance/recovery process. He's not happy with what you're doing, but He has never stopped caring for you. He's your Heavenly Father, and you're His child. Un abrazo fraternal.
While your addictions might involve some chemical imbalance, that doesn't mean that medication is the only way to overcome, though it might he helpful in some ways. I speak from my own experience, and as an health-care professional. The habits you abhor are the coping mechanisms that you have developed, and though they may have served you by giving you the escape you need to deal with the despair and pain you see around you, they are poor replacements and only chain you down in your progress.
There is a very good program called "Overcoming Self-Defeating Behaviors" that provides some very effective tools to help redirect your need into more healthy coping strategies. I can't say if the program itself is available to you in your location, but I will touch on some key points and hope they can help:
1. Everything you do is a choice. You are not powerless, and as soon as you accept that you are able to control yourself, you will begin to feel the chains dropping away. The spirit is the master of the body, not the other way around.
2. You create your own self-image. Who you are is what you believe, and if you see yourself as an addict, or a sinner, gamer, fornicator or any other negative description, then you will remain stuck in the behaviors that support that image. Try putting a bean in your shoe for the next week and every time you take a step and feel that bean repeat in your head a positive description of who you want to be: "I am master of myself."
You decide what your positive self-image statement will be, but having it repeated hundreds of times a day in your head will alter your perspective immensely.
3. Get away from the circumstances that facilitate your un-wanted behaviors. List the costs versus the benefits. This is very difficult, and it may seem at first that you have no alternatives. You do, but they are hard choices and you will be able to choose them when you decide that they are preferable to being enslaved and miserable. The positive self-image will strengthen you to make those decisions.
4. Anticipate temptation. Identify the experiences that set you on the path to acting out your SDB (self-defeating behavior) and then pre-experience how you will react in a positive way instead of how you have In the past. The Spirit gives us warnings long before the critical point, and if we ignore them we become progressively less sensitive to the Spirit's guidance. Learning to recognize the earliest promptings will radically transform you, not just with your SDB, but in everything.
5. Mentally visualize yourself free of your SDB. Imagine a situation that mimics you in bondage to your SDB, then imagine completely destroying that barrier. See yourself in your new liberated life and the blessings it provides.
6. Continue putting the best influences Into your life to replace the bad. Start journaling your struggle and be sure to own every decision. Review it often and correct yourself.