7 years ago I was sealed to my best friend in the temple. 2 years ago, he admitted that he wasn’t sure if the church was true anymore and had no more desire to go. While it broke my heart, I knew that I would do anything to make this marriage work. He’s still my best friend. He is still a good man. The church doesn’t encourage divorce, it encourages strong marriages, no matter what your differences. And when I prayed about what to do, the Lord specificly told me to not worry about him but to strengthen my testimony.
But here’s what I’m struggling with. I’m a young mom too… 2 young kids that I take to church with me every week alone. I love my husband, but he is obviously going down a completely different path than me (drinking, hanging out with his friends at the bar), and I’m at a loss. I know the church is true. I cannot deny the testimony I gained while in seminary. But I can also say I’ve never felt more alone. Are there any support groups that you know of out there for people married to an inactive spouse?
inactive
Anonymous,
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One Response to “7 years ago I was sealed to my best friend in the temple. 2 …”
Leonardo Castro
2011-11-20 23:13:10
Hi sister. It's excellent that you're maintaining your faith in such difficult circumstances. I'm certain your faithfulness will bless your life and the lives of your children. Anyone can do the right thing when it's easy. We show our real dedication to God when we do what's right even when it's hard. That's what you're doing, and I respect you for it.
It's also beautiful that you're so dedicated to your marriage. We all have doubts about different aspects of the church that we are working out with "fear and trembling before the Lord" (Mormon 9:27). That's part of progressing in the gospel. To an extent, these doubts come with the human condition and so are unavoidable. However, leaving the church is a conscious decision. At the very least your husband could continue to got to church because he knows it's important to you, even if he mistakenly thinks his testimony could never recover. That he has chosen to disregard your feelings in this matter is selfish. And yet, you are correct in staying with him and continuing to love him. This kind of unconditional love is very beautiful.
You're also right in thinking that you can't force your husband to regain his testimony. That must be a personal decision and investment on his part. However, that doesn't mean you have no rights as a wife. Plenty of wives even outside of our church try to get their husbands to attend worship services more often with them. Plenty of wives outside our church get upset when their husbands spend too much time at bars. Of course you shouldn't become a nag, but a marriage comes with responsibilities, and you as a wife have a right to demand your husband's support. This is particularly true with regards to his drinking and bar attendance. Regardless of religious practice, a man should prioritize spending time with his wife and children over "hanging out with the guys."
I'm not aware of any support group for people in your position, but I think it's an excellent idea. I often get messages from women and men just like you. Perhaps you could start an online group? Alternatively, perhaps your bishop has some helpful suggestions. At the very least, it might be helpful to chat with a psychologist/counselor; LDS Family Services might be a helpful resource.
I hope this answer help, sister. Best of luck to you.
It's also beautiful that you're so dedicated to your marriage. We all have doubts about different aspects of the church that we are working out with "fear and trembling before the Lord" (Mormon 9:27). That's part of progressing in the gospel. To an extent, these doubts come with the human condition and so are unavoidable. However, leaving the church is a conscious decision. At the very least your husband could continue to got to church because he knows it's important to you, even if he mistakenly thinks his testimony could never recover. That he has chosen to disregard your feelings in this matter is selfish. And yet, you are correct in staying with him and continuing to love him. This kind of unconditional love is very beautiful.
You're also right in thinking that you can't force your husband to regain his testimony. That must be a personal decision and investment on his part. However, that doesn't mean you have no rights as a wife. Plenty of wives even outside of our church try to get their husbands to attend worship services more often with them. Plenty of wives outside our church get upset when their husbands spend too much time at bars. Of course you shouldn't become a nag, but a marriage comes with responsibilities, and you as a wife have a right to demand your husband's support. This is particularly true with regards to his drinking and bar attendance. Regardless of religious practice, a man should prioritize spending time with his wife and children over "hanging out with the guys."
I'm not aware of any support group for people in your position, but I think it's an excellent idea. I often get messages from women and men just like you. Perhaps you could start an online group? Alternatively, perhaps your bishop has some helpful suggestions. At the very least, it might be helpful to chat with a psychologist/counselor; LDS Family Services might be a helpful resource.
I hope this answer help, sister. Best of luck to you.