So about 2 years ago now I found out my husband of 10 years was having an affair with my best friend. It was devastating. I moved out and took our 5 kids and lived a year without him trying to see if we could work it out in counseling. I have decided to stay with him and we have been doing really well. We are much stronger as a couple. My x best friend never once said she was sorry for doing this but I have moved on and forgave her. I feel with the amount of lies she told to pull off the affair and that she made it seem like her marriage was perfect that she may have some type problem I did not know about so I have empathy for her and just hope she has gotten herself some kind of help so she can stop making her life look like its perfect and face so real issues she has had. I still have to see her once in awhile even though we moved about 10 miles away from our old house. It’s always so uncomfortable for me to see her. Is this normal. We shared many of the same friends which many knew of nothing that went on. They all still think she has the perfect marriage and life. It messes with my head because I don’t mind if people know the real me. I am happy with who I am.
One of the hardest things is she acted like a strong LDS woman through the whole affair. My husband did not. He acted like he was struggling with his testimony. She continued with her callings and just acted like nothing. When the affair came out she still acted like nothing happened and still held her calling.
Belinda from Provo,
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5 Responses to “So about 2 years ago now I found out my husband of 10…”
Pamela Bonta
2013-04-26 12:31:36
Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship with an active member of the church. The relationship ended badly when it became apparent that he and I had very different views on the Law of Chastity. You can imagine how appalled I was when I discovered that this man continued in his calling for twenty months after I reported his behaviour to his Stake leaders. I emailed with my Bishop about the matter. Perhaps his response will help you.
He said, "It is true that I have seen many wonderful miracles occur through Church discipline. On the other hand, I have also seen a few cases where things seemed to go awry. This seems to be such a case, and I understand your point and your pain. While church discipline is administered generally by good people who are trying their best to do what is right, I would urge you to consider the everlasting and perfect justice of God. This is the thing after all that will count. You can have perfect assurance and peace in knowing that He will judge with righteous judgement in this matter... Sometimes it can be a struggle to let go of wrongs. In my own experience, it is particularly difficult when the wrong has come when I am doing right. At times like this... I am persuaded to remember our Savior and how that He suffered so much wrong and abuse, which was not random abuse, but for the very reason that He was in the right. He suffered that irony patiently and and with humility. He asks His followers to do the same."
Anonymous
2013-05-20 14:05:41
Belinda my gosh I think your strong. Knowing she is still acting like everything is perfect is probably how she is coping. If she had to look at the damage she has caused it may do her in. She may have a mental disorder. It would take so much energy to keep going on like everything is fine and act like nothing happened. Down deep in side I have to picture she is hurting in a very big way unless Satan still has her. She does not have a perfect marriage if she cheated on her husband. She does not have the perfect life if she could go after her best friends husband so even though it may look that way on the out side it's highly unlikely she has not suffered her own hell from doing this. Hang in there. It's good you don't have to see her often. That was nice to read. I hope you and your husband make it. I believe your belief in the gospel will save you and your family.
lynn
2013-05-23 06:44:25
Temples are considered houses of God, places of holiness and peace separate from the preoccupations of the world.
You don't seem to have a question, but my feeling is that you are a strong woman and a great example of an LDS woman. I don't know how often you and your husband go to the temple but I have a testimony of it. Mark it on your calender and let nothing stop you from going, if it's the babysitting then ask a young woman to help you out, or your vt. It brings a sweetness to relationships. As you do this you may focus on your marriage which is the most important, and your beautiful children that you both brought into the world
Anonymous
2013-04-27 11:51:39
Belinda, I understand what you have been going through. I've seen this type of hypocrisy before as well. It is even more painful when it is by a supposedly good member of the church. The thing that keeps me going is I have to tell myself that the gospel of Christ is true and the teaching are true and correct. And I need not worry about others but worry about myself and my family. Try to look beyond their works or doings and try to see the good in them.
I wish you well. Good luck and keep the faith.
Anonymous
2013-04-27 10:07:30
I cannot imagine the pain and frustration you have been through, I am truely sorry. I wish someone would connect with you, a third party (bishop) and let you know if your best fried is at least working on what she has to do. Repent or whatever. Also, 20 years ago, I would have been in the roll of your best friend. She will think about what she has done over the years. It will weigh heavy on her heart. I remember getting a visit from the wife of the man I had the affair with. She was incredibly nice. We talked along time. She told me I took away her happiness and broke her heart. She said she forgave me, but would not be my friend. Classy lady. Okay missonaries yout turn to answer!
He said, "It is true that I have seen many wonderful miracles occur through Church discipline. On the other hand, I have also seen a few cases where things seemed to go awry. This seems to be such a case, and I understand your point and your pain. While church discipline is administered generally by good people who are trying their best to do what is right, I would urge you to consider the everlasting and perfect justice of God. This is the thing after all that will count. You can have perfect assurance and peace in knowing that He will judge with righteous judgement in this matter... Sometimes it can be a struggle to let go of wrongs. In my own experience, it is particularly difficult when the wrong has come when I am doing right. At times like this... I am persuaded to remember our Savior and how that He suffered so much wrong and abuse, which was not random abuse, but for the very reason that He was in the right. He suffered that irony patiently and and with humility. He asks His followers to do the same."
I wish you well. Good luck and keep the faith.