All About Mormons

Introduction

The concept of a united family that lives and progresses forever is at the core of Latter-day Saint doctrine.

There are cases where divorce is justified. Repeated, unrepentant infidelity and ongoing abuse come to mind. When one marriage partner alone is responsible for a “unilateral divorce,” the innocent partner clearly has not sinned. Christ’s atonement can help them find peace in difficult times, but no repentance is needed.

The purpose of this article is not to needlessly call these innocents to repentance. It’s also not to make those who have divorced, whether culpable or not, feel regrets about their decisions. People in this situation should simply repent if necessary and get on with their lives. I’m writing this article specifically to those who are considering abandoning their spouses because they have simply “fallen out of love.” Marriage is about a lot more than love, and love, with a little effort, can usually be cultivated with time.

Some, in an attempt to justify their actions, may convince themselves that divorce in the form of unilateral abandonment is not a sin. For those who are so convinced, I provide the quotes below, taken from recent general-conference talks, church publications, and older material recently cited and reiterated. My intent is not to exacerbate guilt, but to help those in this difficult situation to recognize their intentions as sinful so they can begin the process of consciously trying to overcome them. Christ will certainly strengthen all those who try to follow Him.

 “Divorce,” by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, April 2007

“…modern prophets have warned that looking upon marriage ‘as a mere contract that may be entered into at pleasure… and severed at the first difficulty’… is an evil meriting severe condemnation…”

“In ancient times and even under tribal laws in some countries where we now have members, men have power to divorce their wives for any trivial thing. Such unrighteous oppression of women was rejected by the Savior…”

“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery (Matthew 19:8-9).”

“…for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation.”

“The Women in Our Lives,” by President Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2004

“We see the bitter fruit of that degradation all about us. Divorce is one of its results. This evil runs rampant through our society. It is the outcome of disrespect for one’s marriage partner. It manifests itself in neglect, in criticism, in abuse, in abandonment. We in the Church are not immune from it.”

“The cure for most marital troubles does not lie in divorce. It lies in repentance and forgiveness, in expressions of kindness and concern.”

“Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children,” by President Gordon B. Hinckley, October 2000

“Watch the tides of your lives that you do not become enmeshed in situations which lead to sorrow, regret, and, eventually, divorce. Divorce has become so common all around us. There are so many who violate the solemn covenants they have made before God in His holy house.”

“Our Solemn Responsibilities,” by President Gordon B. Hinckley, October 1991

“…[telling a story]…About a year ago he decided that he never loved me and that our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. He was convinced that there was nothing in our relationship for him. He filed for divorce and moved out. ‘Wait,’ I kept saying. ‘Oh, no. Stop! Don’t do this. Why are you leaving? What is wrong? Please, talk to me. Look at our children. What of all our dreams? Remember our covenants. No, no! Divorce is not the answer.’ He would not hear me. I thought I would die.”

“…[in response to the above story]…I do not know if her former husband may be in this audience somewhere. If he is listening, I may receive from him a letter justifying what he has done. I know there are two sides to every issue. But somehow, I cannot understand how a man who holds the holy priesthood and who has entered into sacred and binding covenants before the Lord could justify abandoning his responsibilities for his wife of eighteen years…”

“…[continuing]…The complaint of a husband, after eighteen years of marriage and five children, that he no longer loves his wife is, in my judgment, a feeble excuse for the violation of covenants made before God and also the evasion of the responsibilities that are the very strength of the society of which we are a part.”

“Eternal Marriage,” by F. Burton Howard (1st Quorum of the Seventy), April 2003

“Far too many marriages today end in divorce. Selfishness, sin, and personal convenience often prevail over covenants and commitment.”

“What God Hath Joined Together,” by President Gordon B. Hinckley, May 1991

“Why all of these broken homes? … I find selfishness to be the root cause of most of it…The remedy for most marriage stress is not in divorce. It is in repentance. It is not in separation. It is in simple integrity that leads a man to square up his shoulders and meet his obligations. It is found in the Golden Rule.”

“Marriage and Divorce,” by Elder David B. Haight, April 1984

“…every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or both. ‘The Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant…Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.’ (Mal. 2:14-15.)”

“Beware of Pride,” by President Ezra Taft Benson, April 1989

(This is arguably President Benson’s most famous talk and is often cited even today.)

“Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.”

“A Lasting Marriage,” by  Elder Robert L. Simpson (1st Quorum of the Seventy), May 1982

“Divorce, with all of its diabolic side effects, threatens the very foundations of society.”

“Fortify Your Homes Against Evil,” by President Spencer W. Kimball, April 1979

“We need continually to fortify our homes and families and defend them against the onslaught of evils such as divorce, broken families, brutality, and abuse…”

New Testament Teacher Resource Manual, (2002), pg. 47

“…[citing Elder Bruce R. McConkie]…Divorce is not part of the gospel plan no matter what kind of marriage is involved. But because men in practice do not always live in harmony with gospel standards, the Lord permits divorce for one reason or another, depending upon the spiritual stability of the people involved…” (Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 1:547, 1976)”

“Divorce,” Study By Topic, LDS.ORG

“Because of the poor choices and selfishness of one or both marriage partners, marriages sometimes end in contention, separation, and divorce.”

Conclusion

If you’re facing the kind of divorce I’ve described in this article, I encourage you to visit with your bishop. Even if divorce is inevitable, it’s important that you do all you can to resolve the challenges you face. As Elder Robert L. Simpson of the 1st Quorum of the Seventy once said:

“…perhaps the most important questions that will need to be answered by a divorced person in the hereafter will be these:

1. ‘Did you do everything possible to save your marriage?’
2. ‘Were gospel truths applied to the fullest?’
3. ‘Did you seek out, listen to, and abide by priesthood counsel?'”

I hope this article helps.