My heart is broken because my wife wants to leave me. I’ve tried to follow all the council of my leaders. Both my bishop and my stake president feel like there’s nothing more I can do. I’m like a little puppy dog trying to make my wife happy. I’m trying my best not to upset her, and I’ve been trying for four years to convince her not to divorce me. She says she sees me as a selfish, emotionally abusive man, but it’s simply not true. I’ve spoken with a psychologist and my church leaders looking for help, and both agree that I’m simply not the person my wife claims I am.
I’m currently serving as elder’s quorum president, and I feel like such a hypocrite talking about how to strengthen families when my own is so troubled. My wife has asked me for a divorce many times and has now moved forward without me. I know she doesn’t love me. She always says she doesn’t love me. I feel so bad for our children who were born in the covenant. I just can’t stop crying inside.
My stake president said that I can’t force her to love me. He says she has her free agency, but I just can’t stop thinking about our children. I’ve been reading my scriptures, praying, and fasting, just waiting for a miracle. She’s already started talking about alimony and where she’s going to live. Please help me.
One Response to “My heart is broken! My wife wants to leave me.”
Manuel Castro
2013-10-06 16:28:32
Jesus Christ can comfort us even in our most difficult moments. (Reflections of Christ)
Hi Brother. If I understand you correctly, you're a good person and a good husband whose wife nevertheless insists on divorce. You're eager to try to save your marriage and are actively trying to improve your relationship with her, but she doesn't have the same dedication. Given that most divorces are initiated by women, often (but not always) without justification, I think there are many husbands in your situation. Certainly there are many women who are the innocent victims of divorce as well.
If your wife is in fact divorcing you simply because she "doesn't love you any more," she's obviously committing a serious sin. Marriages are sacred. Anyone who willfully destroys a marriage destroys something God has ordained. Besides, love is something that can be developed and cultivated with the proper effort and emotional investment.
Sin naturally makes people feel guilty. The best way to overcome that guilt is to repent through the atonement of Jesus Christ. However, repentance requires people to change their hearts and their behavior. In your wife's case, repentance would require her to rededicate herself to your marriage. Because of the high demands repentance makes, some people are reluctant to really apply Christ's atonement in their lives.
Consequently, some sinners chose a different path. Rather than truly changing themselves, they seek to justify their own behavior. If there's any truth to your wife's claims that you are selfish and psychologically abusive, repent immediately! You must be able to live your life with a clear conscience, even if you're unable to convince her to stay. However, it's certainly true that these accusations may be mere attempts at self-justification. It's quite common for a selfish spouse to falsely accuse an innocent spouse of wrongdoing in order to avoid having to face the reality of his or her own sin.
The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to try your best to save your marriage so that you have no regrets in the future. If your wife is willing, see a marriage counselor and talk together with your bishop. If there's anything about your own behavior that you can change, change it. Continue to go to church and to be a faithful member. Perhaps you'll be able to convince her not to commit this serious sin. But, even if you can't save your marriage, do your best to preserve your own innocence so you won't have to live your life wondering how things could have been different. Make sure you can say to yourself, "I tried my best to save my marriage."
I hope this answer helps you, and I hope you're able to avoid divorce. Regardless, know that God loves you very much. I'll pray that you can feel His love during these difficult times.
If your wife is in fact divorcing you simply because she "doesn't love you any more," she's obviously committing a serious sin. Marriages are sacred. Anyone who willfully destroys a marriage destroys something God has ordained. Besides, love is something that can be developed and cultivated with the proper effort and emotional investment.
Sin naturally makes people feel guilty. The best way to overcome that guilt is to repent through the atonement of Jesus Christ. However, repentance requires people to change their hearts and their behavior. In your wife's case, repentance would require her to rededicate herself to your marriage. Because of the high demands repentance makes, some people are reluctant to really apply Christ's atonement in their lives.
Consequently, some sinners chose a different path. Rather than truly changing themselves, they seek to justify their own behavior. If there's any truth to your wife's claims that you are selfish and psychologically abusive, repent immediately! You must be able to live your life with a clear conscience, even if you're unable to convince her to stay. However, it's certainly true that these accusations may be mere attempts at self-justification. It's quite common for a selfish spouse to falsely accuse an innocent spouse of wrongdoing in order to avoid having to face the reality of his or her own sin.
The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to try your best to save your marriage so that you have no regrets in the future. If your wife is willing, see a marriage counselor and talk together with your bishop. If there's anything about your own behavior that you can change, change it. Continue to go to church and to be a faithful member. Perhaps you'll be able to convince her not to commit this serious sin. But, even if you can't save your marriage, do your best to preserve your own innocence so you won't have to live your life wondering how things could have been different. Make sure you can say to yourself, "I tried my best to save my marriage."
I hope this answer helps you, and I hope you're able to avoid divorce. Regardless, know that God loves you very much. I'll pray that you can feel His love during these difficult times.