Hi, I’ve been a member of the Church all my life and have always had the problem not fitting in culturally/socially. I love the doctrine – it is the most beautiful, true thing. But because my family is poor, my mother isn’t a member, and my father’s inactive, I was often ridiculed as a child and sat alone every sacrament meeting. Now I’m 24 and still unmarried. No matter where I go, it seems that among LDS people I’m ridiculed about being single, with the admonition that “any good man and woman can make it work” and by not being married I’m “disrespecting the Plan of Salvation.” I try really hard to be good and I’m just looking for the man that’s a good match, and it hurts so much to be treated this way. I know Church isn’t about the social thing, but it’s so heartbreaking being picked on. My parents were always supportive and told me to just try to not be sensitive, but nothing I do overcomes my feelings and growing dread of Sundays, and my mother now tells me she doesn’t think I should be a member of a church that makes me cry. I feel like I don’t belong in the world because of my LDS standards and beliefs, but when I go to Church, I feel even more lonely. What should I do?
2 Responses to “Hi, I’ve been a member of the Church all my life and have al…”
Bruno Rubio
2011-02-14 07:49:57
Hi friend. First off, I'm very happy you have such a sincere testimony of the doctrine of the Church. The blessings of the gospel come independent from any social element. You seem to realize this important truth, but that, of course, doesn't change the fact that it's difficult when one is not socially accepted. You're in a very difficult situation.
For what it's worth, I should say that your situation does not resonate with my own experience in the church. My wife and I are very poor, but our small rented apartment happens to be in a very wealthy neighborhood. Nevertheless, the wealthy members of our ward always treated us with love, friendship, and respect. Furthermore, most Mormons would be very impressed to see a young woman coming to church on her own, without her parents' support. It surprises me to learn that no one was willing to sit with you in church. Finally, many Mormon women are not married by 24 years old. Women who serve missions don't usually even become "eligible" for marriage until they're 22 or 23. While I can certainly imagine some of the older sisters encouraging you to get married, it's very atypical that anyone would ridicule you. You are right that you shouldn't marry the first man who comes along. Marriage requires a lot of careful discernment and wisdom!
It's certainly true that Mormons sometimes fail to live up to the high standards the church teaches. Perhaps your ward is for some reason particularly problematic. I suggest you speak with your bishop about the social troubles you're facing. Hopefully he can help you.
A lot of Mormons also find meaningful social interactions by participating/commenting on Mormon blogs. You might want to become familiar with what is jokingly called the "bloggernacle." Try to find an uplifting Mormon blog that reflects your own dedication to the gospel. There are plenty of interesting Mormon conversations taking place on the Internet.
You may also wish to look beyond your ward for social interactions. Is there a singles' ward in your area? What about institute, stake dances, etc.? Perhaps you can make some good Mormon friends your same age outside of your immediate area.
I hope these suggestions help, sister. The main purpose of the church is not to facilitate socialization, but I completely understand the disappointment you feel. I'll pray for you! Good luck.
Richard
2011-02-16 17:58:03
Odd as this is going to sound forgive yourself and forgive those that you felt picked on you and ridiculed you.
I'm glad that you don't want to stop going to church as this church is true, despite it's imperfect members and their at times proud, "do it my way" way of thinking. I'm sorry also that you feel you are poor, to that I feel to direct you to reading King Benjamin's GREAT sermon found in Mosiah chapters 1-4. Also for your own sake of feeling peace and not taking offense (toward your brothers and sisters that don't seem to be as wise with their words toward you), find and read "The Peacegiver" By James Ferrell... I would hope that you could check it out from a local library, if not seek help from your Bishop through securing the book for yourself or borrowing it from another member who may have it already.
The church is true, Christ forgives all, even those that treated Him poorly, who are we to not attempt to do likewise?
Finally Pray and pray a lot to Our Father for help through His Son Jesus Christ that you might be comforted in your afflictions. (See Ether 12: 27, 2 Nephi 4, Alma 36, and D&C 121: 1-10) Good luck and you can endure it. We know we can because we are all measured before we came to earth and were found equal to the tasks and trials which God sees us fit to pass through.
For what it's worth, I should say that your situation does not resonate with my own experience in the church. My wife and I are very poor, but our small rented apartment happens to be in a very wealthy neighborhood. Nevertheless, the wealthy members of our ward always treated us with love, friendship, and respect. Furthermore, most Mormons would be very impressed to see a young woman coming to church on her own, without her parents' support. It surprises me to learn that no one was willing to sit with you in church. Finally, many Mormon women are not married by 24 years old. Women who serve missions don't usually even become "eligible" for marriage until they're 22 or 23. While I can certainly imagine some of the older sisters encouraging you to get married, it's very atypical that anyone would ridicule you. You are right that you shouldn't marry the first man who comes along. Marriage requires a lot of careful discernment and wisdom!
It's certainly true that Mormons sometimes fail to live up to the high standards the church teaches. Perhaps your ward is for some reason particularly problematic. I suggest you speak with your bishop about the social troubles you're facing. Hopefully he can help you.
A lot of Mormons also find meaningful social interactions by participating/commenting on Mormon blogs. You might want to become familiar with what is jokingly called the "bloggernacle." Try to find an uplifting Mormon blog that reflects your own dedication to the gospel. There are plenty of interesting Mormon conversations taking place on the Internet.
You may also wish to look beyond your ward for social interactions. Is there a singles' ward in your area? What about institute, stake dances, etc.? Perhaps you can make some good Mormon friends your same age outside of your immediate area.
I hope these suggestions help, sister. The main purpose of the church is not to facilitate socialization, but I completely understand the disappointment you feel. I'll pray for you! Good luck.
I'm glad that you don't want to stop going to church as this church is true, despite it's imperfect members and their at times proud, "do it my way" way of thinking. I'm sorry also that you feel you are poor, to that I feel to direct you to reading King Benjamin's GREAT sermon found in Mosiah chapters 1-4. Also for your own sake of feeling peace and not taking offense (toward your brothers and sisters that don't seem to be as wise with their words toward you), find and read "The Peacegiver" By James Ferrell... I would hope that you could check it out from a local library, if not seek help from your Bishop through securing the book for yourself or borrowing it from another member who may have it already.
The church is true, Christ forgives all, even those that treated Him poorly, who are we to not attempt to do likewise?
Finally Pray and pray a lot to Our Father for help through His Son Jesus Christ that you might be comforted in your afflictions. (See Ether 12: 27, 2 Nephi 4, Alma 36, and D&C 121: 1-10) Good luck and you can endure it. We know we can because we are all measured before we came to earth and were found equal to the tasks and trials which God sees us fit to pass through.