Hi there. I am not a member of the LDS church, but my boyfriend is. I investigated it for a few months, but decided it wasn’t the right time. I just turned 18, my bf is almost 18, and we’ve been going out for just over 2 years. Anyway… My boyfriend and I have had sex, multiple times, and late last year I ended up pregnant. I was planning on aborting, but I decided I couldn’t go through with it. I started to get excited about it, but unfortunately I miscarried. Now, my boyfriend has repented, and is now planning on going on his mission next year. But, I still haven’t gotten over the loss of our baby, while he doesn’t seem to care (his family still doesn’t know) and now he’s abandoning me when I need him most. Is there a way to stop him from going on his mission? Any advice would be greatly welcome.
2 Responses to “Hi there. I am not a member of the LDS church, but my boyfri…”
Miguel Miranda
2011-02-06 22:49:51
The Church's missionary program is one of its most recognized characteristics.
Hi friend. First off, my sincerest condolences for your miscarriage. There are few emotional challenges greater than the loss of a child, even an unborn child. You mentioned that you're having trouble getting over your loss. I encourage you to talk with your boyfriend about these feelings so he can help you through your challenges. Additionally, you may wish to speak with a mental-health professional like a psychologist or a councilor who can help you as well. I sincerely hope you can find some peace in your life despite this tragic loss.
Since you're not a member of the church, you may not understand the significance of a mission in Mormon culture. For us, serving a mission is similar to completing a university degree in importance. It's an important rite of passage for a Mormon boy, the transition from boyhood to manhood. It fosters spiritual growth that leads to greater spiritual maturity. To be frank, it's hard for me to imagine that anyone who loves a pre-missionary would discourage him from preparing for and serving a full-time mission. I don't mean to minimize your very real and very acute feelings of abandonment, but you must know that helping your boyfriend to go on his mission could be one of your most selfless acts of love.
The time your boyfriend is on his mission could be an important period of development for you too. He'll be growing spiritually, and you should grow too so the two of you can be "equally yoked" when he returns (2 Corinthians 6:14). The time to begin the process of spiritual development is now, not later. Pray about the best way to begin this process. I'm certain the missionaries would be willing to help you. Best of luck.
Richard
2011-02-06 22:05:40
I am sorry to hear about your loss. Abortion is never the answer however, and I am actually glad God saved you from going through with it. The guilt you would have felt following would have been something no one needs to feel.
My sister had a similar loss and spent some time mourning over the child, fasting and praying for an explanation if there was one, and she received an assurance she would have the child again if not in this life, in the eternities.
Be comforted that you are still young and you have a long life ahead of you, for marriage and child bearing in this life, if that is your call. (And I hope it is if that is your desire.)
As to your boyfriend, well his sins, confessed of or not, are between him, God, and his family. His actions are not reflecting those of the majority of the church nor its usual conduct/standard.
You could go and talk with his bishop and make sure that your concerns are addressed, and bring to light the extent of the weight you are feeling. The bishop could also give you heavenly counsel and/or a blessing to know God's love for you, that you will be ok in the long run, and perhaps even heavenly counsel for life!
I can also tell you that the doctrines of this church are true as they are based upon the true, real doctrine of Christ and through his authority it is preached, and he is the one that stands at the head of this church. He speaks today to the world through his chosen and called prophet, Thomas Monson, and I personally hope that the right time for you to look into the church, for your own sake, might be soon.
May heaven bless you and smile down on you, is my prayer in Jesus' name, amen.
Since you're not a member of the church, you may not understand the significance of a mission in Mormon culture. For us, serving a mission is similar to completing a university degree in importance. It's an important rite of passage for a Mormon boy, the transition from boyhood to manhood. It fosters spiritual growth that leads to greater spiritual maturity. To be frank, it's hard for me to imagine that anyone who loves a pre-missionary would discourage him from preparing for and serving a full-time mission. I don't mean to minimize your very real and very acute feelings of abandonment, but you must know that helping your boyfriend to go on his mission could be one of your most selfless acts of love.
The time your boyfriend is on his mission could be an important period of development for you too. He'll be growing spiritually, and you should grow too so the two of you can be "equally yoked" when he returns (2 Corinthians 6:14). The time to begin the process of spiritual development is now, not later. Pray about the best way to begin this process. I'm certain the missionaries would be willing to help you. Best of luck.
My sister had a similar loss and spent some time mourning over the child, fasting and praying for an explanation if there was one, and she received an assurance she would have the child again if not in this life, in the eternities.
Be comforted that you are still young and you have a long life ahead of you, for marriage and child bearing in this life, if that is your call. (And I hope it is if that is your desire.)
As to your boyfriend, well his sins, confessed of or not, are between him, God, and his family. His actions are not reflecting those of the majority of the church nor its usual conduct/standard.
You could go and talk with his bishop and make sure that your concerns are addressed, and bring to light the extent of the weight you are feeling. The bishop could also give you heavenly counsel and/or a blessing to know God's love for you, that you will be ok in the long run, and perhaps even heavenly counsel for life!
I can also tell you that the doctrines of this church are true as they are based upon the true, real doctrine of Christ and through his authority it is preached, and he is the one that stands at the head of this church. He speaks today to the world through his chosen and called prophet, Thomas Monson, and I personally hope that the right time for you to look into the church, for your own sake, might be soon.
May heaven bless you and smile down on you, is my prayer in Jesus' name, amen.