I know that the church does not condone sexual relations between people of the same sex, but I was wondering if it would be okay for me (a female) to have a girlfriend as long as we in no way carried on sexual relations? My friend and I have been in love for many years and we know that we can never be intimate, but is our love itself a sin?
3 Responses to “I know that the church does not condone sexual relations bet…”
Francisco Paz
2011-01-24 07:21:03
Hi friend. Thanks for your question. First off, let me congratulate you for your dedication in trying to keep God's commandments. You and your friend are definitely among the heroes I've written about on my site. I'm certain it's not easy to strive to keep God's commandments the way you do, but your dedication is an example for all of us. God will honor your sacrifice.
If you intend to abstain from all sexual relations and expressions, how would being your friend's girlfriend be any different than being her best friend? Best friends can sometimes have a very deep love for each other, like Jonathan and David did in the Old Testament. If there's no difference in this case between being her girlfriend and being her best friend, what is the utility of using the label "girlfriend"? If you are bissexual, having a girlfriend could impede your chances of one day finding a man, being sealed in the temple, and starting an eternal family. Even if you are fully homossexual (i.e, a six on the Kinsey scale), using the term "girlfriend" would still be controversial in our community. I guess I just don't see what you would gain by using the term "girlfriend" in this case, but please do follow up with more information if needed. I'm happy to help in any way I can. Best of luck.
Anonymous
2011-01-26 03:24:25
When you consider our relationships as actual sons and daughters of the same Heavenly Father, and therefore sisters and brothers in a very real, although veiled spiritual sense, it seems very likely that individuals can develop very deep and real friendships with each other regardless of gender and why shouldn't they?
Our language being limited as it is has only words like love, affection, intimate, etc. to describe the depth of these bonds. Satan likes to play here, however, and that is where we need to take caution. Is it necessary to engage in sexual activity in order to express love and devotion? Can someone with a deep friendship still have a different spouse or eternal mate?
Playing with fire, stretching and pushing limits, bringing ourselves to the edge of cliffs, etc, can be exhilirating but the adrenaline and other hormones released can trick us. "The natural man is an enemey to God, it has been from the fall of adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless..." (Mosiah 3: 19)
Titles are important and in society can carry meanings that are unintended. In previous decades, perhaps the title of girlfriend simply identified the gender of your friend, these days the meaning is far more intimate, or at least can be. Calling her your girlfriend may be step one to entering a jealous and committed relationship that can give rise to feelings of belonging and possesion, etc, that in the context of a same sex relationship could lead to feelings and behaviors that may have you feeling as though acting on your desires is unavoidable.
Feelings are not who we are, they are simply a part of our human experience. We can give them too much credence instead of dismissing those we do not approve and choosing to hold on to those we do.
If we recognize feeling overwhelmed with any emotion we may need to seek solace where it can best be found. Prayer changes things. You will never be tempted without their being a way out and above all, your Heavenly Father understands you better than you are able to understand yourself.
Anonymous
2011-01-27 19:10:36
Be careful. There is a good chance you may be playing with fire. Intimacy breeds love, and love breeds intimacy. When intimacy becomes strong enough, it can become sexual. As for your love being a sin in itself? I don't know the answer to that. But I do know that it is not a sin just to be homosexual. Only when one acts on those urges does one choose to sin.
If you intend to abstain from all sexual relations and expressions, how would being your friend's girlfriend be any different than being her best friend? Best friends can sometimes have a very deep love for each other, like Jonathan and David did in the Old Testament. If there's no difference in this case between being her girlfriend and being her best friend, what is the utility of using the label "girlfriend"? If you are bissexual, having a girlfriend could impede your chances of one day finding a man, being sealed in the temple, and starting an eternal family. Even if you are fully homossexual (i.e, a six on the Kinsey scale), using the term "girlfriend" would still be controversial in our community. I guess I just don't see what you would gain by using the term "girlfriend" in this case, but please do follow up with more information if needed. I'm happy to help in any way I can. Best of luck.
Our language being limited as it is has only words like love, affection, intimate, etc. to describe the depth of these bonds. Satan likes to play here, however, and that is where we need to take caution. Is it necessary to engage in sexual activity in order to express love and devotion? Can someone with a deep friendship still have a different spouse or eternal mate?
Playing with fire, stretching and pushing limits, bringing ourselves to the edge of cliffs, etc, can be exhilirating but the adrenaline and other hormones released can trick us. "The natural man is an enemey to God, it has been from the fall of adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless..." (Mosiah 3: 19)
Titles are important and in society can carry meanings that are unintended. In previous decades, perhaps the title of girlfriend simply identified the gender of your friend, these days the meaning is far more intimate, or at least can be. Calling her your girlfriend may be step one to entering a jealous and committed relationship that can give rise to feelings of belonging and possesion, etc, that in the context of a same sex relationship could lead to feelings and behaviors that may have you feeling as though acting on your desires is unavoidable.
Feelings are not who we are, they are simply a part of our human experience. We can give them too much credence instead of dismissing those we do not approve and choosing to hold on to those we do.
If we recognize feeling overwhelmed with any emotion we may need to seek solace where it can best be found. Prayer changes things. You will never be tempted without their being a way out and above all, your Heavenly Father understands you better than you are able to understand yourself.