Hey! I am in the process of joining the church and speaking with missionaries however, there is one topic that is difficult for all involved to figure out; I am what is known as a hermaphradite which is a person born with both parts of a male and female. I look very much like a woman but I can only reproduce as a man. I do have both the vagina and the penis, overies and testicals but no womb. I feel male, I act male, and medically (working on legaly in the eyes of the government) I am a male… But I look female. I am also engaged to a female. This puts a strain on the church because though we look like a lesbian couple, we are not. Also, I was trying to go to the preisthood classes but I am sent to the woman’s classes instead because no one can wrap their mind around my gender bender self. I am accepted and I love the feelings I get being in the church, it’s just I don’t know where I stand with the mormon belief as a herm. Will I receive the preisthood when I’m baptised or no? Will I ever be able to marry my fiancee in the church or no? What are your veiws on this?
One Response to “Hey! I am in the process of joining the church and speaking …”
Fernando Duarte
2010-10-17 00:09:08
Hi Atemu. I'm very happy you posted your questions on my website. There's so much to comment on. Let me divide my answer into several parts.
My Own Personal Views
I'm a biologist by profession, so I can't help but look at your situation through a scientific lens that is based more on underlying causes rather than superficial outward appearance. From that perspective, your gender does not seem that ambiguous to me. You feel and act male. You are medically male and can only reproduce as a male, suggesting that you're also genetically male. You're even engaged to a female. You may look female in some ways, but to me it's clear that you're male. It's rarely wise to judge someone based on his or her outward appearance, as I'm sure you know.
The Church's Views
Church policies on issues like this are described in a book called the Church Handbook of Instructions. Unfortunately, I don't have a copy of this handbook; however, I'm fairly certain based on what I've read that your situation is not specifically addressed. I think cases like yours are rare enough that they are usually decided on a case-by-case basis by local church leaders like bishops and stake presidents.
Consequently, you'll definitely want to talk to your bishop about your situation. Start by letting him know how you feel about the church. Make sure he realizes that your love for Christ and His restored gospel is sincere. Make it clear that you genuinely want to begin a new life as a disciple of Jesus Christ.
Next, describe your situation to him just as you described it to me. However, make two things very clear to him:
You're not a transsexual. The Church Handbook of Instructions does mention members of the Church who have chosen to undergo elective transsexual surgery (i.e., the kind of surgery that is not related to a genuine medical condition like intersex or hermaphroditism). None of the Church policies related to transsexualism should apply to you.
You should also make it clear to your bishop that you have no intention of acting on any homosexual or same-sex impulses, if you have them at all (perhaps you don't). The Church Handbook of Instructions does mention members of the Church who struggle with same-sex attraction, especially those who choose to act on their homosexual impulses. None of the Church policies related to homosexuality should apply to you.
Next, you might describe how common it is for people to mistake you for a woman, but emphasize that you are nevertheless a male. You are simply a male with a genetic condition that causes you to have some feminine features. Give him all the reasons you gave me:
The only functional reproductive system you possess is male.
You feel and act like a male.
You are attracted to females and are even engaged to a female.
You are genetically male.
Now, the fact that you are legally female may present some challenges. The LDS Church does have a long history of respecting legal documents like marriage certificates, for example. I suggest that you simply explain to your bishop why you are legally female (perhaps because that's the gender that was randomly assigned at birth, or perhaps because some government official incorrectly assumed you were female, etc.). Explain that you're in the process of changing your legal gender to match your true, medical gender.
Next, tell your bishop that you'd like to one day hold the priesthood and be married in the church/temple. Be reasonable in your petition, stating that you understand if the Church would like to wait until your legal gender has been corrected to male. Offer to produce an explanatory letter from your doctor if it's needed. Make it clear that while you may appear female in some ways, there is no question that God created your spirit male and that your body is also fundamentally male, superficial appearances aside. While I can't say for certain what your bishop will decide, I suspect your petition will be granted.
Elder Sitati, the first General Authority ("Mormon Cardinal") from Sub-Saharan Africa, gives instructions to a Stake President in Los Angeles, California. Photo by Dale Wight.
However, in the unlikely case that the bishop can't get past your superficial appearance, try talking with your stake president. Furthermore, whenever there's a new opportunity, whether because a new bishop or stake president is called or because you've moved to a new ward, bring your case before your new local leader once again. In the mean time, you can still enjoy many of the blessings that come from being a member of the LDS Church even in the unlikely case that you're denied the priesthood and/or a church marriage for a time.
How to be Integrated into your Ward
I'm sorry to hear that you were sent from the priesthood class to the Relief Society. I'm certain the members of your ward were trying to be helpful; they probably assumed incorrectly that you were a woman and that, as a visitor, you were simply lost. This is going to present a wonderful opportunity for you to show some Christian charity in the coming weeks. Those who directed you to the Relief Society will perhaps feel embarrassed when they realize what a mistake they made. Try to let them know that there are no hard feelings. I suspect forgiving others comes easy for you; your life's experiences have probably transformed you into a very understanding person.
Your bishop can perhaps help you with this issue as well. I don't know how open you are about your medical condition. I certainly don't think you should be ashamed of it, but I'd understand if you wanted to keep it private. You can discuss with your bishop what details, if any, would be appropriate to share with the leaders in your priesthood quorum. If they only understood your situation, I'm confident they'd be happy to have you in the quorum. The teachings men learn in the priesthood quorum could be especially helpful to you as you prepare to become a husband and father.
The way you dress might also be helpful in this case. Often those who are getting to know the Church wear regular clothes to our worship services, which is absolutely fine. You may have noticed, however, that those who have been going to Church for longer tend to wear more formal clothing. This clothing is typically gender specific. In your case, coming to Church in a white shirt and tie might be a useful way of sending a subtle social message to those around you, letting them know that you are male.
I think you'll find that the people in your ward will mirror the people in society at large. Some will be confused by your situation and will not know how to behave. This kind of social awkwardness is very unfortunate. Others in your ward will recognize that you've faced many challenges and that you've thrived despite those challenges. They'll respect and honor the sacrifices you've made. They'll recognize that you're a very interesting person with a unique perspective. Try to seek those kind of people out and befriend them. I guarantee you that every ward has people like that. I wish you were in my ward, because my wife and I would love to get to know you and your fiancée better. :)
Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints worldwide gather twice yearly for what they call "general conference."
When I think of all the challenges you must have faced, Atemu, my heart fills with joy knowing that you may soon have the light of the gospel in your life! I was recently thinking about your situation while listening to talks from General Conference on my iPod. By chance, the iPod played these words from Joseph B. Wirthlin, an apostle of Jesus Christ: "Tied to this misconception is the erroneous belief that all members of the Church should look, talk, and be alike. The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father's children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole. This variety of creation itself is a testament of how the Lord values all His children. He does not esteem one flesh above another, but He inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness '"
My Own Personal Views
I'm a biologist by profession, so I can't help but look at your situation through a scientific lens that is based more on underlying causes rather than superficial outward appearance. From that perspective, your gender does not seem that ambiguous to me. You feel and act male. You are medically male and can only reproduce as a male, suggesting that you're also genetically male. You're even engaged to a female. You may look female in some ways, but to me it's clear that you're male. It's rarely wise to judge someone based on his or her outward appearance, as I'm sure you know.
The Church's Views
Church policies on issues like this are described in a book called the Church Handbook of Instructions. Unfortunately, I don't have a copy of this handbook; however, I'm fairly certain based on what I've read that your situation is not specifically addressed. I think cases like yours are rare enough that they are usually decided on a case-by-case basis by local church leaders like bishops and stake presidents.
Consequently, you'll definitely want to talk to your bishop about your situation. Start by letting him know how you feel about the church. Make sure he realizes that your love for Christ and His restored gospel is sincere. Make it clear that you genuinely want to begin a new life as a disciple of Jesus Christ.
Next, describe your situation to him just as you described it to me. However, make two things very clear to him:
- You're not a transsexual. The Church Handbook of Instructions does mention members of the Church who have chosen to undergo elective transsexual surgery (i.e., the kind of surgery that is not related to a genuine medical condition like intersex or hermaphroditism). None of the Church policies related to transsexualism should apply to you.
- You should also make it clear to your bishop that you have no intention of acting on any homosexual or same-sex impulses, if you have them at all (perhaps you don't). The Church Handbook of Instructions does mention members of the Church who struggle with same-sex attraction, especially those who choose to act on their homosexual impulses. None of the Church policies related to homosexuality should apply to you.
Next, you might describe how common it is for people to mistake you for a woman, but emphasize that you are nevertheless a male. You are simply a male with a genetic condition that causes you to have some feminine features. Give him all the reasons you gave me:- The only functional reproductive system you possess is male.
- You feel and act like a male.
- You are attracted to females and are even engaged to a female.
- You are genetically male.
Now, the fact that you are legally female may present some challenges. The LDS Church does have a long history of respecting legal documents like marriage certificates, for example. I suggest that you simply explain to your bishop why you are legally female (perhaps because that's the gender that was randomly assigned at birth, or perhaps because some government official incorrectly assumed you were female, etc.). Explain that you're in the process of changing your legal gender to match your true, medical gender.Next, tell your bishop that you'd like to one day hold the priesthood and be married in the church/temple. Be reasonable in your petition, stating that you understand if the Church would like to wait until your legal gender has been corrected to male. Offer to produce an explanatory letter from your doctor if it's needed. Make it clear that while you may appear female in some ways, there is no question that God created your spirit male and that your body is also fundamentally male, superficial appearances aside. While I can't say for certain what your bishop will decide, I suspect your petition will be granted.
How to be Integrated into your Ward
I'm sorry to hear that you were sent from the priesthood class to the Relief Society. I'm certain the members of your ward were trying to be helpful; they probably assumed incorrectly that you were a woman and that, as a visitor, you were simply lost. This is going to present a wonderful opportunity for you to show some Christian charity in the coming weeks. Those who directed you to the Relief Society will perhaps feel embarrassed when they realize what a mistake they made. Try to let them know that there are no hard feelings. I suspect forgiving others comes easy for you; your life's experiences have probably transformed you into a very understanding person.
Your bishop can perhaps help you with this issue as well. I don't know how open you are about your medical condition. I certainly don't think you should be ashamed of it, but I'd understand if you wanted to keep it private. You can discuss with your bishop what details, if any, would be appropriate to share with the leaders in your priesthood quorum. If they only understood your situation, I'm confident they'd be happy to have you in the quorum. The teachings men learn in the priesthood quorum could be especially helpful to you as you prepare to become a husband and father.
The way you dress might also be helpful in this case. Often those who are getting to know the Church wear regular clothes to our worship services, which is absolutely fine. You may have noticed, however, that those who have been going to Church for longer tend to wear more formal clothing. This clothing is typically gender specific. In your case, coming to Church in a white shirt and tie might be a useful way of sending a subtle social message to those around you, letting them know that you are male.
I think you'll find that the people in your ward will mirror the people in society at large. Some will be confused by your situation and will not know how to behave. This kind of social awkwardness is very unfortunate. Others in your ward will recognize that you've faced many challenges and that you've thrived despite those challenges. They'll respect and honor the sacrifices you've made. They'll recognize that you're a very interesting person with a unique perspective. Try to seek those kind of people out and befriend them. I guarantee you that every ward has people like that. I wish you were in my ward, because my wife and I would love to get to know you and your fiancée better. :)
God bless you on your spiritual journey, Atemu.