Recently I’ve become romantically interested in a mormon woman. As best I can tell, an LDS girl generally chooses to marry someone of her own faith. Is that true? I know that marriage in the temple is very important for the latter-day saints. Is that why? With all due respect, what is the difference? I’m a sane, moral man without any addictions. I’m also respectful of LDS doctrines, though I myself am Catholic. Am I not considered worthy of marriage? I mean no disrespect, but only want some clarification. I know a number people in inter-faith marriages that have worked, though I confess none of them included a lds. Thanks for your help.
4 Responses to “Recently I’ve become romantically interested in a mormon wom…”
Bruno Paz
2010-08-01 03:17:11
Hi Daniel. Let me address some of your questions. "As best I can tell, an LDS girl generally chooses to marry someone of her own faith." This is more or less true. While some Mormon girls do marry outside of their faith, most practicing, single Mormon women want to marry in the temple with someone who shares their same beliefs.
"With all due respect, what is the difference? I'm a sane, moral man without any addictions. I'm also respectful of LDS doctrines, though I myself am Catholic. Am I not considered worthy of marriage?" Mormons are like Catholics in that we believe in both orthodoxy (correct beliefs) and orthopraxy (the correct performance of sacred ordinances). In your case, you are clearly an excellent person. It is not that you are unworthy. It is that you are not prepared to participate in the sacred ordinances, including the sealing ordinance (temple marriage). Why can't I, as a good Mormon man, bless the Holy Communion in the Catholic Church? It's not because I'm not a good enough person. It's because I'm not prepared and authorized to participate in that ordinance. If you'd like to prepare yourself for a temple marriage, you're certainly welcome to do so! The Mormon missionaries can show you how. :)
"I know a number people in inter-faith marriages that have worked, though I confess none of them included a LDS." Studies done in the United States have shown that Mormons who marry other Mormons in the temple have one of the lowest divorce rates measured. Mormons who marry those of other faiths have one of the highest divorce rates. Religious unity in a marriage, especially in a marriage with a Mormon, is very important. In all fairness, the Catholic Church also discourages marriages with those outside the faith, doesn't it?
Hope these answers help! Good luck to you!
Pamela Dean
2010-08-07 13:19:10
Excellent points. In addition, as a Catholic (or any other religous affiliation) man marrying an LDS woman, you would still be able to practice all aspects of your faith. However, an LDS woman marrying a man outside of her faith has to sacrifice a lot in order to do so. Since her husband would not be able to hold the priesthood, she and their children would be unable to ask for priesthood blessings from the husband, her husband would be unable to baptize her children himself when they turn of age, the family would be unable to be sealed in the holy temple (which is in many ways our most important ordinance), and she may be unable to attend the temple if he does not give his consent. The list goes on.
Other questions arise - which church will they attend? Which church will the children go to? Will the husband allow the wife to have daily family and personal scripture study and prayer, including reading from the Book of Mormon? Will the husband take part in fanily home evening every week? Will the children be allowed to go to weekly activities for the youth? Will the husband allow his wife to do family history work for his ancestors, especially considering that the Catholic church discourages this? Will the husband drink coffee, tea, and alcohol even though the wife does not? Will he be willing to be circumspect in intimate matters, as LDS in general believe in a different standard of sexual conduct than society in general?
The webmaster was correct in his comments about the rate of divorce in such cases: "A 1993 study published in demography [magazine] showed that mormons marrying within their church are least likely of all americans to become divorced. Only 13 percent of LDS couples have divorced after five years of marriage, compared with 20 percent for religiously homogamist unions among Catholics and Protestants and 27 percent among Jews. However, when a mormon marries outside his or her denomination, the divorce rate soars to 40 percent -- second only to mixed-faith marriages involving a jewish spouse (42 percent). " (Bob Mims, "Mormons: High Conservativism, Low Divorce, Big Growth," Salt lake Tribune, 1999-Mar-6, at: http://archives.his.com/smartmarriages/)
None of this means that your relationship would not work. None of this means that you are not a great guy. It does mean, however, that there are formidable obstacles and great sacrifices to be made if your relationship continues. It would be wonderful if you were to become LDS... But if you are not prepared to do that, I think you should both meet with her bishop to discuss these issues and to seek his counsel.
I wish you all the best.
Anonymous
2010-08-12 04:17:51
The main reason that we choose to marry in the temple is that we believe that a temple marriage means that we are sealed to our spouse for eternity, not just until death. We believe that if we are not sealed to our spouse in the temple, we will not be allowed to be with them in the afterlife as husband and wife. Also, we believe that a temple marriage (also called "sealing") is a necessary exalting ordinance, similar to baptism. If we are not sealed (married) in the temple, we cannot attain the highest level of exaltation. As you can see, temple marriage spans beyond this life and into the next! The importance and eternal nature of the family is a very central part of the Mormon doctrine and culture. I hope that answers your question as to why Mormons generally choose to marry in the temple!
Doug
2010-08-02 06:20:17
Being a mormon is similar to being a Jew or a Muslim in that it is a 24 hour/7 day a week way of life. A person needs to join the church because he/she is truly converted and wants to be a mormon. It is not a good idea to convert to a different religion, and especially to the LDS church just so that he/she can marry someone. The best advice that I can offer is to meet with our missionaries.
"With all due respect, what is the difference? I'm a sane, moral man without any addictions. I'm also respectful of LDS doctrines, though I myself am Catholic. Am I not considered worthy of marriage?" Mormons are like Catholics in that we believe in both orthodoxy (correct beliefs) and orthopraxy (the correct performance of sacred ordinances). In your case, you are clearly an excellent person. It is not that you are unworthy. It is that you are not prepared to participate in the sacred ordinances, including the sealing ordinance (temple marriage). Why can't I, as a good Mormon man, bless the Holy Communion in the Catholic Church? It's not because I'm not a good enough person. It's because I'm not prepared and authorized to participate in that ordinance. If you'd like to prepare yourself for a temple marriage, you're certainly welcome to do so! The Mormon missionaries can show you how. :)
"I know a number people in inter-faith marriages that have worked, though I confess none of them included a LDS." Studies done in the United States have shown that Mormons who marry other Mormons in the temple have one of the lowest divorce rates measured. Mormons who marry those of other faiths have one of the highest divorce rates. Religious unity in a marriage, especially in a marriage with a Mormon, is very important. In all fairness, the Catholic Church also discourages marriages with those outside the faith, doesn't it?
Hope these answers help! Good luck to you!
Other questions arise - which church will they attend? Which church will the children go to? Will the husband allow the wife to have daily family and personal scripture study and prayer, including reading from the Book of Mormon? Will the husband take part in fanily home evening every week? Will the children be allowed to go to weekly activities for the youth? Will the husband allow his wife to do family history work for his ancestors, especially considering that the Catholic church discourages this? Will the husband drink coffee, tea, and alcohol even though the wife does not? Will he be willing to be circumspect in intimate matters, as LDS in general believe in a different standard of sexual conduct than society in general?
The webmaster was correct in his comments about the rate of divorce in such cases: "A 1993 study published in demography [magazine] showed that mormons marrying within their church are least likely of all americans to become divorced. Only 13 percent of LDS couples have divorced after five years of marriage, compared with 20 percent for religiously homogamist unions among Catholics and Protestants and 27 percent among Jews. However, when a mormon marries outside his or her denomination, the divorce rate soars to 40 percent -- second only to mixed-faith marriages involving a jewish spouse (42 percent). " (Bob Mims, "Mormons: High Conservativism, Low Divorce, Big Growth," Salt lake Tribune, 1999-Mar-6, at: http://archives.his.com/smartmarriages/)
None of this means that your relationship would not work. None of this means that you are not a great guy. It does mean, however, that there are formidable obstacles and great sacrifices to be made if your relationship continues. It would be wonderful if you were to become LDS... But if you are not prepared to do that, I think you should both meet with her bishop to discuss these issues and to seek his counsel.
I wish you all the best.