I had a terrible childhood. My mom abandoned me and my father when she discovered that he was married with children. She got married again later, but she left me with her parents because my stepfather physically abused me. I eventually came back to live with her, but because I look a lot like my father, my stepfather never liked me much. Consequently, my mom let me pretty much live in the streets where I had a lot of liberty to do whatever I wanted. I eventually decided to go back to my grandparents’ house but they refused to accept me. I came back to my mom and my stepfather, but they refused to accept me as well. That’s when my life got really hard. I had to work to eat. I got pregnant when I was 16, and I had my first child when I was 17. I eventually got married to an older man and had two children with him, but he smoked a lot and was always looking at pornography. I couldn’t stand it, so I ran away from home. Afterwards, I started living with a man who was technically married, but his wife to this day wants nothing to do with him. We’ve raised a son together who is now 21 years old. I recently got in touch with my ex-husband and obtained a divorce from him. My current partner is trying to divorce his old wife as well so we can get married and be baptized. I got to know the mormons six years ago and they opened my eyes. I have a very serious problem, though. During the course of my sad life, I had two abortions. The first abortion, my mom took me, and I, being young, thought it was just the normal thing to do to resolve a serious “problem. ” the second time I was already married and living with another married man, and was afraid. Now that I realize what a terrible thing I’ve done, I’m really disturbed and concerned. I went and talked to my bishop and he said, if I understood him right, that I cannot be forgiven and that I will not be able to be baptized. I cry every day about this. He recommended that I continue to visit the church, and I’ve done it, but I don’t know what’s going to happen with me. My repentance is very sincere, and I’ve suffered a lot because of the foolish things I did during the years I lived in darkness. Now I understand the seriousness of my sins. I’ve been with my current partner for 29 years. My life has been much calmer during that time. I ask God all the time to forgive me for aborting my two little children. I understand the seriousness of my condition, but I continue to pray to my Heavenly Father asking for his forgiveness, and that I can get married, baptized, and eventually sealed. My sons are already baptized; they just wait for us. I’m desperate. Help me! What can I do? Is it true that I’m totally lost? I’m 53 years old. I have four children and four grandchildren. Please help.
3 Responses to “I had a terrible childhood. My mom abandoned me and my fathe…”
Fernando Ramos
2010-04-24 20:37:10
A missionary hugging a bishop in Aracaju, Sergipe, Brazil.
Hi friend. Thanks so much for your question. One of the reasons the gospel of Jesus Christ means so much to you is because you know what it's like to live the worldly life. We can all learn an important lesson from your experiences. True happiness comes from following God's commandments, not from doing what feels good. I can tell that you understand this important principle.
Some of the sins you mentioned are very serious, especially the abortions. However, I think you may have misunderstood your bishop. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ you can be forgiven of your sins, even the abortions, if your remorse and repentance are sincere and if you are committed to never repeating those terrible sins again.
Guilt is a blessing from God because it motivates us to repent and to correct our mistakes. However, any guilt we feel that does not motivate us to do better is not productive. You made terrible mistakes, but you confessed those mistakes to your bishop as part of the repentance process. You will clearly never repeat those mistakes again. You are doing everything you can to help your partner obtain a formal divorce so you can be legally married and baptized. As best I can tell, you are doing everything right. Continue to do your best, and God will honor your sacrifice.
When I was a missionary in Brazil, I met a woman who had had an abortion. She sincerely repented of her sins and wanted to be baptized. Because abortion is such a serious sin, she had to have a special interview with a member of the Mission Presidency. However, when the Mission Presidency saw that her repentance was sincere, she was allowed to be baptized. With her baptism, all her past sins were washed away, and she was allowed to start a new life as a disciple of Jesus Christ. I know that through the atoning grace of Jesus Christ you can also be forgiven of your sins! Don't loose hope. Just try your best to follow God's commandments and to repent sincerely. Work hard to finalize your divorce so you can legalize your current marital situation. When your baptismal day comes it will be a miracle! Your sealing will be a miracle in your life as well. God bless.
Richard
2010-04-26 05:33:33
The bishop who told you, you are forever lost unfortunatly is incorrect. Perhaps you could talk to your stake president about it.
I can't condone all the things you've done in your life, but I can testify that Christ lives, he took upon himself every mortal sin, including yours, and it sounds like you just need to continue the course you're on... If you've asked God for help and you feel he feels you're on an ok path.
I recommend you read the following talks: Oct. 2009 Niel Anderson's talk (as it is one of the more recent and I watched it today) it's called "Repent... That I may Heal You."
Read all of those talks and remember you are a daughter of God and he, through our Savior Jesus and the Holy Ghost is with you. I was trying to find the Packer quote which, I will paraphrase really bad, here - "There is no sin so great, no transgression so vile, and no rebellion so long, that is exempt from a full and true forgiveness through the atonement of our lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."
In this life it is never to late to go to Christ and ask for pemission to u-turn and come unto him. Let him guide your boat, or drive your car, or whatever metephore you have for letting him be in charge. It takes time and it will take patience, but when you're walking with God the best you know how, and praying to our Father in the name of his son, Jesus Christ, you can't go very far before little things start getting better. Remember that there are no losers in this life, only quiters.
D&C 90:24 "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another."
Read the talks and read your scriptures and pray always and you'll be ok.
Anonymous
2010-06-11 19:20:29
No, you are not lost. I served a two year mission for the church two decades ago, and we allowed women who had had abortions to be baptized--we did have to get permission from the mission president to do so, but the issue had to do with sincerity of repentance. There is a book written by president Spencer W. Kimball entitled "The Miracle of Forgiveness" that you should read--he states that it is a forgiveable sin. You must know that no one is outside the reach of an "infinite atonement"--to think so, is not only grossly wrong, but a sin in itself, showing a lack of faith in our Savior and Redeemer. You are not lost!!!!
Some of the sins you mentioned are very serious, especially the abortions. However, I think you may have misunderstood your bishop. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ you can be forgiven of your sins, even the abortions, if your remorse and repentance are sincere and if you are committed to never repeating those terrible sins again.
Guilt is a blessing from God because it motivates us to repent and to correct our mistakes. However, any guilt we feel that does not motivate us to do better is not productive. You made terrible mistakes, but you confessed those mistakes to your bishop as part of the repentance process. You will clearly never repeat those mistakes again. You are doing everything you can to help your partner obtain a formal divorce so you can be legally married and baptized. As best I can tell, you are doing everything right. Continue to do your best, and God will honor your sacrifice.
When I was a missionary in Brazil, I met a woman who had had an abortion. She sincerely repented of her sins and wanted to be baptized. Because abortion is such a serious sin, she had to have a special interview with a member of the Mission Presidency. However, when the Mission Presidency saw that her repentance was sincere, she was allowed to be baptized. With her baptism, all her past sins were washed away, and she was allowed to start a new life as a disciple of Jesus Christ. I know that through the atoning grace of Jesus Christ you can also be forgiven of your sins! Don't loose hope. Just try your best to follow God's commandments and to repent sincerely. Work hard to finalize your divorce so you can legalize your current marital situation. When your baptismal day comes it will be a miracle! Your sealing will be a miracle in your life as well. God bless.
I can't condone all the things you've done in your life, but I can testify that Christ lives, he took upon himself every mortal sin, including yours, and it sounds like you just need to continue the course you're on... If you've asked God for help and you feel he feels you're on an ok path.
I recommend you read the following talks: Oct. 2009 Niel Anderson's talk (as it is one of the more recent and I watched it today) it's called "Repent... That I may Heal You."
I would also look up October 2006 Dallin Oak's talk "He Heals the Heavy Laden."
Next Shane Bowen October 2006 "The Atonement can Clean, Reclaim, and Sancify our Lives."
I didn't follow any links but I read the quotes from president Packer and they're great!
Read all of those talks and remember you are a daughter of God and he, through our Savior Jesus and the Holy Ghost is with you. I was trying to find the Packer quote which, I will paraphrase really bad, here - "There is no sin so great, no transgression so vile, and no rebellion so long, that is exempt from a full and true forgiveness through the atonement of our lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."
In this life it is never to late to go to Christ and ask for pemission to u-turn and come unto him. Let him guide your boat, or drive your car, or whatever metephore you have for letting him be in charge. It takes time and it will take patience, but when you're walking with God the best you know how, and praying to our Father in the name of his son, Jesus Christ, you can't go very far before little things start getting better. Remember that there are no losers in this life, only quiters.
D&C 90:24 "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another."
Read the talks and read your scriptures and pray always and you'll be ok.
Sincerely, your loving brother