Hi. I’m a 15-year-old guy and I’m a member of the church. I have a serious problemÂ…for a year and a half I’ve been feeling like I’m in love with a guy friend of mine. I know that homosexuality is not accepted by God and that it’s a sin. Friends of mine have told me that I need to accept myself for who I am. I’ve spoken with my bishop. He promised me his support. What counsel would you give me? I need help. Thanks.
2 Responses to “Hi. I’m a 15-year-old guy and I’m a member of the church. I …”
Samuel Delgado
2010-03-22 05:30:18
A missionary hugging a bishop in Aracaju, Sergipe, Brazil.
Hi friend. I very happy that you posted your question here. I'm also very, very happy that you have a good bishop who is supporting you. That's the way a bishop should be. :)
During the teenage years, sexual identity is still forming. Many people have transient homosexual feelings as teenagers but, with further development, do not go on to become gay. For example, a 2006 study demonstrated that 20% of the population has had some sort of homosexual feelings during their lifetime, probably often during the teenage years. Yet only 2-3% of the population is homosexual. This suggests that the vast majority of people who have homosexual feelings as teenagers do not go on to become gay. As you are still young and are a dedicated member of the Church, I suggest that you try your best to keep the commandments and wait to see if these feelings don't resolve themselves naturally with time. Occasional chats with your supportive bishop can also be very helpful.
Let's suppose that your feelings are not just temporary, that they continue even when you become an adult. Your friend said that you need to accept yourself as you are. Who are you? What defines you, your identity as a faithful member of the church, or your identity based on you sexual orientation? I'm heterosexual, and my sexuality is an important part of who I am, but it's not as important as my identity as a member of Christ's restored church. If I had to choose between the two, there's no question which I would choose.
As you probably know, it's not generally a sin to have homosexual feelings. These feelings are usually not chosen, and where there is no choice there is no sin. We all have tendencies that are part of our "natural man" that we need to overcome. How we act on our feelings, however, is a choice. We are all responsible for the choices we make in this life.
There are many people with homosexual feelings who choose not to act on those feelings. Many of them are faithful members of the church, some of the most remarkable Mormons on the planet. The Church teaches that we should have compassion for those who feel attraction towards others of their same sex, both in and out of the Church. These feelings you're having, even if they do persist into adulthood, don't have to interfere with your membership in the Church. God will bless you, friend, when you make the choice to give your whole self over to Him, without holding any part of yourself back. Good luck!
Richard
2010-03-22 16:31:01
Read, listen, or watch Dallen Oak's talk "He Heals the Heavy Laden." It discusses exactly what you are going through, and even gives answers on a course of action.
Simply put it probably is a temptation of the adversary and you'll need to learn to control your thoughts and especially your actions of choice that will best suit your future for the eternities to come. We know, and it sounds like you know it too, that homosexual acts are serious sins...
Personally your bishop was the right man to go to so you are commended for taking correct steps there. Try participating more fully in church based activities like scouts and mutual. Also do things that are more in the line of clean excersice for the sake of giving a righteous, and controled, outlet to your emotions.
Look up the talk "Worthy Music, Worthy Thoughts" by Boyd Packer. This for Godly advice on how to have better control of your thoughts, and thus your actions.
It seems that you're on the correct path. Thoughts, actions, peace, and all.
During the teenage years, sexual identity is still forming. Many people have transient homosexual feelings as teenagers but, with further development, do not go on to become gay. For example, a 2006 study demonstrated that 20% of the population has had some sort of homosexual feelings during their lifetime, probably often during the teenage years. Yet only 2-3% of the population is homosexual. This suggests that the vast majority of people who have homosexual feelings as teenagers do not go on to become gay. As you are still young and are a dedicated member of the Church, I suggest that you try your best to keep the commandments and wait to see if these feelings don't resolve themselves naturally with time. Occasional chats with your supportive bishop can also be very helpful.
Let's suppose that your feelings are not just temporary, that they continue even when you become an adult. Your friend said that you need to accept yourself as you are. Who are you? What defines you, your identity as a faithful member of the church, or your identity based on you sexual orientation? I'm heterosexual, and my sexuality is an important part of who I am, but it's not as important as my identity as a member of Christ's restored church. If I had to choose between the two, there's no question which I would choose.
As you probably know, it's not generally a sin to have homosexual feelings. These feelings are usually not chosen, and where there is no choice there is no sin. We all have tendencies that are part of our "natural man" that we need to overcome. How we act on our feelings, however, is a choice. We are all responsible for the choices we make in this life.
There are many people with homosexual feelings who choose not to act on those feelings. Many of them are faithful members of the church, some of the most remarkable Mormons on the planet. The Church teaches that we should have compassion for those who feel attraction towards others of their same sex, both in and out of the Church. These feelings you're having, even if they do persist into adulthood, don't have to interfere with your membership in the Church. God will bless you, friend, when you make the choice to give your whole self over to Him, without holding any part of yourself back. Good luck!
Simply put it probably is a temptation of the adversary and you'll need to learn to control your thoughts and especially your actions of choice that will best suit your future for the eternities to come. We know, and it sounds like you know it too, that homosexual acts are serious sins...
Personally your bishop was the right man to go to so you are commended for taking correct steps there. Try participating more fully in church based activities like scouts and mutual. Also do things that are more in the line of clean excersice for the sake of giving a righteous, and controled, outlet to your emotions.
Look up the talk "Worthy Music, Worthy Thoughts" by Boyd Packer. This for Godly advice on how to have better control of your thoughts, and thus your actions.
It seems that you're on the correct path. Thoughts, actions, peace, and all.
Hang in there and keep praying for strength!