All About Mormons

I was born into a family that was active LDS, or Mormon. Growing up church was just more of a social thing to me, or even something I went to just make my parents happy. I had a few friends there, but some of the kids picked on me so church became unfun for me.

My dad at some point and for some reason stopped going to church and because he was my favorite person to be around I also started walking home from church to be closer to him. In my heart I was hoping that upon he finding me not at church would yell at me and tell me to get back there, but that never happened. Turned out he just let me sit there with him watching sports… Which was nice enough, but not church and mom had told me church is where you go on Sunday so I had a conflict of interests.

With the kids picking on me at church I found myself more often choosing to be with my dad over my mom. So home rather at church, but this always felt wrong. I wanted to somehow please both of my parents, and my God. So I acted the part of a good LDS kid by doing things that were very unbecoming like lying when we were asked in primary to read the entire Book of Mormon, just for the attention it got me.

As I got older, and not being warned about it, I became addicted to pornography. I was only 12 at this time, but in remebering back I was introduced to ‘educational’ or ‘historical’ movies that were destructive to my very young, untrained eyes, mind, and soul.

The indruduction to that small bit of laciviousness or porn grew and grew into a full blown addiction later in my life. Which ruined the life I could have had.

Interesting enough in the middle of my morality problems I was invited to my mom’s setting apart blessing as stake relief society president. (I was about age 17 or 18, and my mom always a perfect example) there I heard her blessing including a promised that ‘if you will hold family home evening and family scripture study you will lose none of your children in this life’ (refering to belonging to the church and the covenant)…

I of course I continued on in my secret sining, but worked hard to mask my behavior and even had started to attend meeting at the church again. I knew deep down what I was doing was wrong, but when I tried to stop I found that it was all but impossible. Yet God was there still reaching out to me even though I wasn’t aware or reaching toward him.

I remember one rainy night I was returning a less then appropraite movie to a blockbuster when a car turned right out in front of me I swerved, missed them, but found myself heading straight for the curb and a light post. I braced for impact when as clear if someone where sitting next to or behind me in the car I heard a loud “turn! “… I reflex turned the stearing wheel, my car wheels, despite the rain, caught firm and I came back correct into a lane and continued on. As stange as it may sound I pulled into the parking lot of the blockbuster, closed my eyes and said a prayer of thanksgiving to my God that had not given up on me. From that point on I started a greater effort on giving up the sin that I had started a few years before to indulge in.

Yet I found that deep down I didn’t really want to give it up and so from there I went forward and married my first adultary affair, all the while continuing to indulge in pictures and movies. I found that when I married and I was the man of my house it all just became easier to obtain, especially with the addition of the internet in my life, of course without a filter because they were unknown at that time.

I don’t need to go into all the details of my downward spiral, so we’ll just say what addicts watch and read about eventually are acted out in person. (Now I can’t say I’m sorry enough to my first wife)

Ok long story shorter I divorced my wife on may 7th 2003, 10 days later I was sleeping on my couch in my home, alone, when I woke in the early morning. I was cold so I grabbed a pillow to put over me, and put my arm inside the couch coushions for warmth. The next day may 18th I mowed the lawn and again went to sleep on the couch. Sometime that night or early morning on the 19th I again woke up cold, but this time I felt/heard a voice say ‘why don’t you put your arm inside the couch for warmth again? ‘… I thought it logical so I did as suggested.

The morning of the 19th I awoke and seeing the time rushed to get ready for work, as I didn’t want to be late again. Upon putting my arm inside my coat I felt a sudden stab of pain. Taking my arm out I found a nice half-dollar to silver dollar sized, ill colored sack of skin on my arm. Pushing the pain aside I put on my coat and went to work, mostly ontime. I showed off the bite site to friends and boss then proceeded to lance the wound, drain it, and go about the duties of the day. After work I tore my couch apart and found a dead, quarter sized spider to which I threw from couch to kitchen floor, and from there to the garbage never to be seen again.

16 days later, june 5th 2003 I was at work when I had an upset stomach. Thinking it was the BBQ sandwich I had eaten for lunch I went to the bathroom to attempt to expel my pain.

I don’t know how long I was in there, but eventually someone came looking as there was a problem that I was known to be good at fixing. I told my co-worker mark to go away I was sick. (and embarassed)… He left but was back a few moments later with orders to get me out of there. He entered the stall, took me away from the wall I had retreated to out of shame, and carried me out of the bathroom. I saw my bosses, two more co-workers besides and of course mark. When he let go of me I colapsed. I remember seeing shoes, then being walked through he department, then I was in the hospital almost a week later I’m told.

Afterword people filled me in on the missing from my memory time, but it’s not important. I was in the hospital and not remembering most things except one phrase that kept rolling through my head. “I promise that if you hold family home evening and scripture study you will lose none of your children in this life”…. Over and over that repeated, when my mind was quiet and no doctors were addressing me. It was a part of my mothers blessing she had received 9 years earlier! Time went by and I was moved from the hospital to my x-in-laws house. I relapsed many times, which is to say my immune system would attack my brain, I would pass out, and and I would wake in the hospital again and again.

When time permitted, after my parents were finaly made aware of my situation, my mother came from Ohio to see me and move me to my grandmother’s house. When she left she gave me a piece of paper that had written on it. “When your sister served a mission she was told a promise. It was this ‘President Benson has promised that if we read/study the Book of Mormon at least one half hour a day we will have miracles in our lives.’ Richard, you need a miracle, start reading”

So I did, I read every day at least one half hour, sometime much more because it was good! I then made it into my Bishop Rory Bigelow and confessed all that my broken brain could remember. I wanted to change and no longer be addicted to the sleaze I had known and which had dominated my life for so long. The bishop replied with D&C 58: 42 “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remeber them no more”… Then the bishop invited me back to church and I was back into the fold being welcomed by the brothren of the ward, and more importantly God.

It’s been almost 5 years now since the spider bite, and 4 since being welcomed back to church. I continue to try read the Book of Mormon daily, and I’m working my way back into a more full fellowship. I love finding new, or I should say, differently phrased gospel truths. I love reading a good doctrinal book from average members who being touched by the Holy Ghost write a few words of encouragement to the world.

I love the words of our prophets I quote all the time President Packer who stated “There is no sin so great, no trangression so vile, no rebellion so long that is exempt from a full and complete forgiveness through the atonment of our lord and Savior, Jesus Christ”

I have hope again in my life. I have my Jesus with me again. I have His Holy Spirit along side me. I try to keep them close to me all the time, but I keep proving that I’m mortal after all and make mistakes. Yet I know that Jesus will be there for me continually so I get up again, start anew, and move toward him, and our, Father in Heaven.

I have learned by the Spirit that Joseph Smith was and is the first prophet of this last dispensation, and since Joseph there has been a line upon line growth of the church, with very capable leaders throughout. I know that Jesus is at the head of this church and it will not again be taken from this earth. Same with the priesthood that was and is eternal, and is once again being offered to worthy men to have priveledge of God to work through them, His plan and his miracles. I know today we are led by our prophet Thomas S. Monson who was prepared from a very young age to grow to this authority from God. I know, without a doubt, that the Book of Mormon is another testiment of Jesus Christ and it is also a record of the former inhabitants of America.

I also know that president Benson’s spoken promise on reading the Book of Mormon is real, and I am living, walking proof that it is true and of God. Because I have had witness by the Holy Spirit that God knows me, and you, even more then we know ourselves. He knows what is best for us, even when we think otherwise. He lets us make mistakes, learn and grow, and we can do that because Jesus came to earth in the miridain of time, lived, atoned for our sins, was slain, yet rose from that death 3 days later, and he lives still today at the head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints. His word is for all, he is no respectors of person, he and his father cause the sun to rise on both the just and un-just. It matters not what we have done in the past, but what we choose to do moving forward, and Jesus can save us all. He decended below all, and was lifted up and slain for the sins of the world. He lives, the victory is won, we just need to be on his team so we can have part in his glory! So repent, change your life, we all need to don’t deceive yourself by saying you don’t need to be a little bit better each day. I know I do, and I also know that without his help I fail and fall.

He lives, this is his church, and it is true!

And I say that in his holy name, even Jesus the Christ, amen

Webmaster: What a blessing to have you back in the church, Richard! Thanks for sharing your inspirational words.