All About Mormons

I’m often asked if a members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can be romantically involved with someone of another faith. The purpose of this article is to provide some helpful clarification.

There are a number of complicating factors that lead most practicing members to marry other members of their own faith. First, the “church” is not just a religion; it’s also a culture. Significant cultural differences can complicate a marriage, even when a couple is sincerely in love. Cultural complications may explain why studies show that marriages between church members and those of other faiths have remarkably high rates of divorce. On the other hand, marriages between two members of the church, especially when realized in one of our temples, have remarkably low rates of divorce. Cultural unity in marriage is very important.

Additionally, marriage plays a much larger role in our theology than in the theology of other Christian religions. While all Christian religions emphasize the importance of marriage, in our church marriage is considered essential for progression in the next life. Specifically, special marriage ceremonies realized in our temples are essential. These ceremonies can only be performed when both the husband and wife are properly prepared. Preparation includes, among other things, baptism and full participation in the LDS faith. Consequently, most practicing church members choose to marry members of their own faith for theological reasons as well.

With that background, allow me to explain the two kinds of marriage that exist in our culture. The first is called marriage for time. Marriage for time lasts “until death do you part.” This kind of marriage can be realized between a member of our church and a member of another faith. Marriage for time is often performed by a bishop in one of our chapels and is certainly a very sacred ceremony. It marks the creation of a family unit, the sacred and most fundamental unit of society. However, because marriage for time lasts only until death, in our theology this kind of marriage is not associated with spiritual progression in the next life.

The second kind of marriage is called marriage for eternity, or “sealing.” Fortunately, those who have been married for time can subsequently choose to be married for eternity, after the proper preparation. Marriage for eternity is also called temple marriage because it is always performed in one of our temples. As mentioned above, both the bride and the groom must be properly prepared. This preparation includes baptism, fully living the “Mormon lifestyle,” keeping God’s commandments, etc. Consequently, a marriage for eternity can only be performed between two members of the LDS Church. These kinds of marriages are thought to last for eternity, even after death. They are associated with a special covenant, or promise with God, that will help the participants progress spiritually after death, the final judgment, and the resurrection.

As you can imagine, most practicing members of the church want to be married in the temple to another member, for eternity, so they can progress spiritually after death. With the exception of those rare members of the Church who cannot have a temple marriage through no fault of their own, the covenants associated with a temple marriage are considered essential. Church members believe temple worship is a commandment from God. “True love” alone is not enough for most practicing members. They are also interested in a marriage that is associated with the sacred temple covenants.

Note that the marriage preference most church members have for other members has nothing to do with the worthiness of those who do not belong to our faith. There are many good members of other churches, people who are just as good as the most righteous members of our church. However, no matter how kind or just, the many wonderful people of other faiths are not prepared for temple marriage if they have not accepted and fully participated in the ordinances of the restored gospel. It’s not a question of merit or worthiness. It’s a question of preparation.

It’s a mistake to convert to any faith just to please another person. However, it is certainly true that many people get to know the LDS Church through boyfriends, girlfriends, family members, etc. These people shouldn’t convert just to please their loved ones, but they often do discover for themselves that the restored gospel of Jesus Christ can bring great blessings into their lives. They join because their hearts are sincerely touched. The fact that a human relationship is subsequently facilitated is a secondary consequence of their true conversion.

For those who are contemplating marriage and family life, it’s also good to know that studies have shown that Our church is good for the family. Church participation is correlated with a low divorce rate, higher levels of marital satisfaction, and lower levels of youth delinquency.

If you’re romantically interested in someone who’s a member of the church, I recommend investigating the faith. See if your heart is touched by the message of the restored gospel; see if that message could change your life for the better. I’ve recently written another article that can help you learn more. I suggest requesting a visit from the missionaries and visiting one of our chapels to see how we worship.

Some church members are not willing to date those of other faiths. Again, it has nothing to do with worthiness. We are not better than other people, and we do not have a monopoly on goodness or righteousness. The thinking is merely that you marry the same people you date. If a temple marriage is the goal, and one can only marry a fellow church member in the temple, then perhaps it is best to date only other members.

Other practicing members do date those of other faiths, as long as they have the same high dating standards that the LDS Church teaches. These standards include:

• No dating until both participants are 16 years old.
• No sexual intercourse.
• No touching intimate areas, above or below clothing.
• No lying on top of another person.
• No passionate kissing.
• No inappropriate conversations or crude language.
• No pornography, including movies that are rated R. Many PG-13 movies are also offensive to members of our church.

Some people think that these activities show love, and some of them do within the confines of a marriage. However, encouraging one of our members to participate in these activities outside of marriage is not an act of love. It’s an act of selfishness. These activities outside of marriage can bring great sorrow and remorse into our lives. No one who loves another person would ever encourage him or her to violate their core principles. Remember also that the standards for men and women are precisely the same in our church.

Conclusion

I hope this overview helps! Good luck.