I am a divorced, endowed member of the church and was recently reacquainted with a man I had strong feelings for before I met my ex husband. The timing just wasn’t right. This reacquaintance is not LDS but is an amazing, kind, hard working, patient man. If I had a checklist of what I wanted in a spouse, he meets every requirement with the exception of religion. Am I wrong to pursue a relationship and potentially marry him?
One Response to “I am a divorced, endowed member of the church and was…”
Bruno Rios
2015-10-18 23:49:22
Hi sister. I too would be very interested in getting a complete answer to this question. I can share some thoughts I have, in case they’re helpful.
One obvious first step is to try to judge his interest in the church. It would be a big mistake for him to join the church just for your sake, but it’s definitely true that many people are sincerely converted after being introduced to the church through their loved ones. I know several excellent couples whose strong marriages have been blessed by the conversion of one or both spouses.
If conversion is unlikely, I recommend proceeding with great caution. Studies have shown that marriages between Mormons and those of other faiths have some of the highest divorce rates. In contrast, marriages between people who are sealed in the temple are among the most stable.
In what faith will you raise your children? Will he support you in your faith? Will you be able to stay active without his support? These kinds of questions are very important.
If you’ve never been sealed, then you’d also be forgoing that blessing. You must make your own decision, but I personally wouldn’t trade that opportunity for anything.
Where things get very complicated—and where I’m not certain how to counsel you—is if you were sealed to your first husband and are the innocent victim of his selfishness. It’s ideal, of course, to be sealed to the person you’re married to, but, strictly speaking, if you’ve been sealed and are worthy of the blessings of that ordinance, you won’t be denied those blessings because of another’s sins. In this very specific situation, the cultural differences between Mormons and others can still be problematic, but I honestly don’t know what the theological requirements are. You have, after all, already received the sealing ordinance. Hopefully others will have some insight into that situation.
I hope this (partial) answer helps. Best of luck to you.
One obvious first step is to try to judge his interest in the church. It would be a big mistake for him to join the church just for your sake, but it’s definitely true that many people are sincerely converted after being introduced to the church through their loved ones. I know several excellent couples whose strong marriages have been blessed by the conversion of one or both spouses.
If conversion is unlikely, I recommend proceeding with great caution. Studies have shown that marriages between Mormons and those of other faiths have some of the highest divorce rates. In contrast, marriages between people who are sealed in the temple are among the most stable.
In what faith will you raise your children? Will he support you in your faith? Will you be able to stay active without his support? These kinds of questions are very important.
If you’ve never been sealed, then you’d also be forgoing that blessing. You must make your own decision, but I personally wouldn’t trade that opportunity for anything.
Where things get very complicated—and where I’m not certain how to counsel you—is if you were sealed to your first husband and are the innocent victim of his selfishness. It’s ideal, of course, to be sealed to the person you’re married to, but, strictly speaking, if you’ve been sealed and are worthy of the blessings of that ordinance, you won’t be denied those blessings because of another’s sins. In this very specific situation, the cultural differences between Mormons and others can still be problematic, but I honestly don’t know what the theological requirements are. You have, after all, already received the sealing ordinance. Hopefully others will have some insight into that situation.
I hope this (partial) answer helps. Best of luck to you.