Sealings: Common Questions
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The Recife temple in Recife, Brazil.
1. Here I describe both rules (“policies”) and doctrines. It is certainty true that some of these rules will change in the future according to the needs of our people. The doctrines can also change under the influence of modern revelation, but they are generally more fixed.
2. “The church teaches the rules, not the exceptions.” In other words, there are exceptions. In fact, some of the rules listed here can be “broken” with the permission of church leadership. In fact, some of them are frequently “broken,” depending on the individual situation. Each case is unique.
Doctrine
1. What is a sealing? The Mormon Church teaches that people can be “linked” or “sealed” in sacred ceremonies that we perform in our temples. Together, sealed people can progress spiritually after death. In the modern context, a man and woman are usually sealed when they marry. A child can be sealed to parents too.
2. Is being sealed to a loving spouse important in Mormonism? Knowing that you will spend eternity together strengthens family relationships. It is very important. But, strictly speaking, the ordinance itself is arguably more important than the specific person. In the early years of the church, for example, people often chose to be sealed to the prophet, simply for the sake of performing the ordinance. Sealing has not always been invariably connected to marriage.
3. What happens to people who never have the opportunity to be sealed? Sealings can be performed vicariously for (on behalf of) deceased persons. In the spirit world, the deceased person can then choose to accept or reject the sealing performed in his or her name.
Preparation
1. How long does it take to prepare for a sealing? It usually takes a year. For example, a convert must spend a year after baptism preparing.
2. Will my non-Mormon family be able to see my sealing? It is VERY important to include all family members in the wedding festivities. For example, you can exchange rings outside the temple with everyone present. Wedding parties can also be used to make everyone feel included and appreciated. However, only people who have gone through the necessary preparation, including baptism, can enter the temple. Consequently, only properly prepared church members can witness a sealing.
3. Can I marry civilly and then in the temple? In some countries (e.g., the United States), a sealing also serves as a civil marriage. In other countries (e.g., Brazil) the law requires that civil marriages be performed publicly. In these countries, a temple sealing should follow soon after a civil marriage.
If a couple marries civilly when they could have married in the temple (in the U.S.), or when someone gets married civilly and then takes too long to be sealed in the temple (in Brazil, for example), they must wait a year after the civil wedding to be sealed in the temple.
Divorce
In the case of divorced man, a sealing can only be “canceled” when the man is engaged to be married a second time. In fact, in the case of men a sealing is suspended rather than canceled. The sealing with the ex-wife is still valid, but a second sealing is authorized. Note that a divorced man can only ask for a cancellation once he has fixed plans to marry a second wife in the temple.
In the case of women, the previous sealing is truly canceled (not just suspended). If a woman wants to be sealed to two men, the first sealing can be vicariously reinstated after her death. Women also have the option to request a cancellation even when they’re not engaged to a second husband, though the church generally prefers that they wait until they are about to get married again.
I don’t understand why the process is apparently easier for women. They have the option to truly terminate their previous sealing and don’t need to wait for the possibility of a second marriage to do so. Perhaps these differences will be eliminated in the future.
2. What happens to children when a sealing is canceled? As I mentioned, children are also sealed to their parents. Their sealings are separate ordinances. That is, even if the sealing between the parents is canceled, the sealing between the children and parents remains valid. A child may choose to be sealed to a stepparent when he or she turns 18 if they wish.
3. How can one asking for a cancellation?
A) Talk to your bishop about your desire to cancel your sealing.
B) You, your bishop, your stake president, and your former spouse write letters describing why the previous marriage ended and why you now seek a cancellation of the sealing as well. If in the divorce process there were serious sins committed, it is important to mention the repentance process. (Note, however, that many people are the innocent victims of selfish spouses, so there aren’t always sins to mention.)
C) Wait three months to one year to receive a response from the First Presidency.
4. Can a former spouse prevent a cancellation? The church wouldn’t ask for a letter from the former spouse if there wasn’t this possibility, but in practice an ex-spouse can rarely prevent a cancellation, though he or she can make the process take longer.
5. How long must I wait after a divorce to ask for a cancellation? Usually a year. However, this “rule” is often “broken” with the permission of local church leaders. Each case is considered individually.
6. Can I decide on a specific day for my temple wedding without having canceled my previous sealing? It would not be a good idea, since it’s difficult to guess how long the process will take.
I hope these answers help. Let me know in the comments if you have more questions.